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Liquid luxury

Wick-ed
sensual fragrance,
held in suspended time.
Illumination dances
with freedom,

to the tango
of heat.
Heightened senses,
lick the once solid cocoon of
encompassing strength,
now turned to molten lava,
moulding softly with each
turn of the flame.
Slowly

d

 r

  i

   p

    s

of frustration,

   k

  i

 s

s

cool marbled sanctuary,
once more laid
in solid rapture.

 

Author notes

POM
Subject; Hopefully speaks for its self, if not, then I have failed (Candles melting)

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I thought that this was interesting congratulations on your silver win with this best wishes always be well


  • NeonRose
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi, and welcome to the POM

    Love this write. The description of the melting candle wax is on point, and beautifully portrayed, even to the point of re-hardening as it pools at the base.

    I had no problem with the lava reference, having felt the pain of candle wax on occasion!

    I have seen this topic before, but love the way you have worked with it.

    Top of the line write, IMO. Well done!

    My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest.

    Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.



  • acarsaid gold member
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey and welcome to the POM!

    I liked this personally, I thought the format was cool and the theme was something I've never really read before. However, I agree with Bear, you could have broken it up a little bit more.

    Excellent work and best of luck!

    Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.

  • Arkbear gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello cutie

     

    First Impression.....creative format.....but did it work?

     

    Yes....it did........sorta....as you added to your Tone and allowed me to see how you were feeling when you were penning this write.....nice job ~

     

     

    ....but....one long S* in the beginning is not something I recommend.......I believe you could have broke it at.>>>

     

    Illumination dances...

     

    ..as you have brought another *thought* out for us ~

     

    *Heightened senses.......ALSO.....break that S* apart and let me grab onto your Flow......too many thoughts together does not allow the Reader.....me.....to enjoy the last thing you wrote, and I have to look back between all of your words to find each thought........and if you had broken them up a tad, my eyes-brain, could find different *thoughts* much quicker

     

    Smalllllll deduction there

     

     *moulten lava....yikes!

     

     

    Not poetic and does not fit your Theme......yes, it is very descriptive, but has notihng to do with what MOST people associate with lava ~

     

    SLOWLY........COMMA......drips....... -

     

    *cool......COMMA....marbled santuary.............OR........cool-marbled*

     

    *santuary ( ; )

     

    Mmmm....last lines are beautiful

     

    Over-all....this is going to score highly I believe......some areas of concern as I have mentioned, but nothing your Theme won't pick up some extra bonus points for ~

     

    Title.....loved it!

     

    I wish you the best in this contest....it is so nice yo read you again.....God bless you,

     

     

    Bear ~

     

     

     

    Title   10...loved it -

    Flow  9.0....stumbled here & there.....breaking up your S*'s will fix that -

    Depth   9.8..lots of depth...very nice -

    Theme 9.85...Nicely chosen -

    Feelings   9.7....I was engaged in your personification and subject -

    Grammar   9.85....lovely -

    Presentation 9.45...creativity is not forbidden here...keep it yup!-

    Uncommonness  9.7...unique -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.4...I did ponder -

    Ability to follow Rules  10! -

    Bears Score:  96.75

    Whoa!

    Someone you know very well scored the same exact score right before you.....I swear I did not edit to make this happen....swear!

    Nice job cutie.....no editing after a Judge has touched your work ~

     


  • aboomer silver member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    forgot to tell you - I love your title!

  • aboomer silver member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love your wording and images in this - so serene yet with a touch of sensuous emotion.
    nice job!!
    best wishes in the contest.
    (you should put what the theme is though - only because that is one of the 'rules'....lolol)


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha, wow... This is awesome! I love your play on words in the first line, and I know exactly what your subject-matter is How brilliant! Well done, and good luck to you

    Best wishes,
    Laura

1 - 13 of 13