Forbidden Fruit

Yellow suns

falls into oceans,

like autumn leaves;

tonight, I'm unaware

of the season of my heart.

The taste of shame,
fresh from your skin;
the forbidden fruit,

like the tinge of a blush
sprinkled over your cheeks
ripens,

and falls on my head.
I discover
my gravity towards you.

A contest entry

Blush by Pamela A Lamppa. 700 points, ended November 5, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Pamela A Lamppa
November 1, 2008

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Oooh. This kind of blush is so evident in the taste of Forbidden Fruit. I love where you went with this. Couple of technical things that will make this even smoother when read aloud.

Yellow sun falls into oceans
like Autumn leaves.

I am unaware of the season my heart touches.

Something like that. Still the same number of words and you avoid using a contraction and recognize this planet with its singular sun.

Peek at this a bit. I am allowing edits for several days before judging. Beautiful images created here. Thank you for a delightful entry and touches the prompt beautifully. I will be back. ~Pamela
Sonja
October 31, 2008
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Beautiful with all elements of mature written poetry
~Sonja~