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the Darkness

                    As though hands were around my throat,
                      my airs cut off I can't breathe.
                    My heart aches the pain is constant,
                    where is that love I once so believed?

                    I don't know anymore what will become,
                      of the dreams we shared so long ago.
                    Somehow I've lost what once was good,
                    and now what's left is the I hope so.

                  Screaming voices from the regions deep,
                  the pain and heartache rule so strong.
                I can't redeem for still It's getting worse,
                  it seems all my rights are now wrong.

                Now all I can do is hang by a thread,
                  hoping my love come back to me.
                For if I continue upon roads this dark,
                my path will become so that I can't see.

A contest entry

Have you ever felt so lost you didn't see a way home?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • Perfect Insanity
    November 17, 2008

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    What I love about this poem is that you make it so clear for everyone to see, to feel what is is you feel. The rhyming you used made this piece flow very well.

    All at once you placed what you hoped for, what you hope for now and what would be the end. A truly completely poem. The content is very dark and sad, pouring rivets of pain and disappointment.

    "As though hands were around my throat,
    my airs cut off I can't breathe."

    In such simple albeit strong words, you state a very painful content. You can't breathe with the hands of darkness and heartache clutching are your throat. Its a long winded ditch to come out of, but if you can put into words this tiring and exasperating sorrow, I believe you will shine through this, and find that path that will leave to light. Good luck. ♥


    • soulchaser26
      December 9, 2008
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      soulchaser26

      Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your comment but I've been getting ready for college in Jan. I just want to say Thank You So Much for your words they brought tears to my eyes to hear that I was as good as you made me sound was great. I have found that path and I can only hope I never take a wrong turn and end up in the jungle lost and alone. Again THANK YOU !