Questing heavily amongst
creations perpetual riddles
as triggers click,
unlocking symphonic mechanics -
complexities unraveling wayward
deep too understanding.
Coded quantum whispers entices
erratically rushing brain chemistry.
Unquenchable questioning, leaving
one eternally thirsting for knowledge.
Author notes
POM entry
B-Tha-Revolution
Theme:
Cursed with the ability of knowing how things work, needing know everything, as if knowledge becomes a drug and you’re the addict.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - by Bear - by Arkbear.
2000 points, ended November 1, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything and everything, just entertain me by Luciferschild.
800 points, ended January 27, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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It is original, that i can say, plus it captures the spirit of the thirst for knowledge, somehow im still undecided about this one, but i will return to it later, thank you for entering and good luck
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yeah you got down with this, i read to enjoy not tique it. i like the abstract style in which you write, sometimes i like having to figure stuff out. much love
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Hey and welcome to the POM!
I agree with the other judges, the flow was incredibly difficult to determine with this piece, however, your use of language was remarkable. You need to touch up on grammar a little bit, but other than that and the flow, that's all I have to complain about.
Excellent and good luck in the contest!
And remember, no editing once a judge has commented! -
Great write here! Glad to see you back on. it's been a while. Hope all is well. Good luck in the contest.
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Hi, and welcome to the POM
I agree with Bear...great use of language in this write. Very impressive and creative. However, the punctuation was lacking, or mis-used, making comprehension difficult, without mentally adding the corrections. This halts flow.
Your title should be capped, even if you do not use it in the body of your write.
Line 7: "whisper entices" or "whispers entice"
I also stumbled a bit over "Unquenchable questioning". The repeated 'q' sound was a bit awkward, I thought. Perhaps "Unquenchable curiousity"..still follows the alliteration, but reads easier, IMO.
This write is placed in my top choices for this competition. Well done!
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest.
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
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Welcome to the POM!
The first thing I noticed about your write, was the Flow......very hard to determine where your starts and stops are.....as lack of punc.'s are not used properly and ( 1 ) long S* is not recommeded, as it tends to make the Reader want to stop and catch their breath ~
However, the best thing about this write.......for me.......is your ability to draw me in with your well-chosen grammatical choices ~
Nice!
I would not suggest going any deeper than this with thought, as most Readers may not have the patience to absorb all of your gifted lines ~
There is not much to critique here.....minor things which can be fixed easily......but, there are some areas which shall take some hits......as seen below in my scoreboard ~
Thank you for joining us again....I have not seen you in quite some time.....God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.85...I would click on this Title -
Flow 6.4....Not impressed with movement in your words..one long S* is not recommended-
Depth 9.4....mmm...lots of depth for such a short write...very nice -
Theme 9.2...Nicely chosen.....seen this type of Theme before, but your fresh approach is nice -
Feelings 5.5....lacking in this area -
Grammar 9.85....lovely & affective -
Presentation 6.4...usually not a fan of one long S* -
Uncommonness 9.7...unique with fresh approach -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.5...I did ponder -
Ability to follow Rules 10! -
Bears Score: 85.8
Nice job
No editing once a Judge has touched your work
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thanks for having me back. I haven't written anything in like two months( absolutely nothing!) , so this was the excersise (muse) I needed to get back into it. whatever the outcome, i appriciate the challenge.
luv and respect.
-B -
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God bless.....be well,
Bear ~
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Well, fortunately there are some with true ability in each field, or we would have no advancement in society. I guess it's good if a person seeks further knowledge, in most cases anyways.
best wishes in the contest.
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The thirst for knowledge will always be a forerunner in society...sadly many are denied. Good luck in the contest
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