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Tipping the Scale

 

It matters not

where mind wandered

in those still hours

un-slept

 

Should burden be

carried over thought

pierced from pain

 

in corruption false

through slant of fatigue

 

and guilt conform

to turmoil

when strength

momentarily waned

its customary grip?

 

A surge now

is surely adequate

to bear the weight

once more

 

To find potency

in the potential

and exceed any

error wrought

 

Hope tilts on a

precarious balance

where the scale

often slips

 

But for now

it rests steady

towards optimistic

intention

 

and endurance

tenders its proposal

to surmount impediment

 

ever sure of success

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

It's a cycle...

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Comments

1 - 57 of 57

  • sheltered
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    this makes my feeble attempts at alliteration
    seem contrived


  • Valley Girl silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow hun! I could of sworn I have commented on this one before, guess not lol. Such a creative and emotional write hun. Thank you for sharing this with us. ♥


  • Swan song gold member
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful deep and heart felt Very sensational


  • penman gold member
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very creative and well expressed. Thank you very much for sharing.


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wow... Fantastic...

    Beautifully narrated throughout with an emotional depth that was very touching...
    Well done!!!


  • MD Masroor
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Deep. And such vivid imagery and such a flawless flow and structure. This is what I like to call, pure art. Just beautiful.


  • JinSays gold member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hope tilts on a
    precarious balance
    where the scale
    often slips

    But for now
    it rests steady
    towards optimistic
    intention

    and endurance
    tenders its proposal
    to surmount impediment

    ever sure of success

    Amen sweetheart. You have once again left me fumbling with the awesome power of your words. There isnt a single thing about this write I cannot wholeheartedly agree with, and I hear myself cheering silently, as these words also offer comfort and reassurance, I'm not completely insane.
    LOL
    Hope.

    Hope.
    Yes,

    Jin


  • LannieM
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written, keep up the good work!


  • PerVirtuous
    October 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a deep write of understanding and truth...I am so sorry for you for it is a vicious cycle which keeps one creating the other...you wrote it well and it does make you wonder if it will ever end...
    Love you!
    sis


  • PerfectImperfection
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A hopeful spin on the very heart of th matter. Life, and the constant pursuit to some sort of thing to resemble happiness. A very well spoken piece of trying to gain the upper hand. Nice write!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks hun.. I've been trying to gain the upper hand on pain/fatigue and it's effect on mood.. but seems I keep slipping back.. sigh..

  • Uglyblackdog
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    excellent!!!

    I can feel this Jackie..incredible write as always


  • moluv10
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very deep write here. It definately is a cycle. Keep on writing.


  • Amera gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I feel so bad for you when I read poems like this. I know its real and I only wish I could do something about the pain. Well written as always and my thoughts and prayers are with you Sis.

    Love,
    Amera♥


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Sis! You know me.. I always pull myself up with a

      Love you

      ♥


  • Swangrnv gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    See..

    Everytime I come, all I find on your pages is brillant work! Another great piece in a plethora of great pieces!


  • stavykm gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Oh you do hit all tender emotions in life with this poem with so many poetically beautiful words. I just loved this and life can be so panfully hard. Then we start all over again. It sure is a cycle Sis.
    Just love you,
    Kelle

  • chiefmac
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Optimistic and never quit to strive forward as hope balances to endure ever sure of success. I like the flow and how quickly the reader moves forward.


  • DolceVito gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Extraordinary write, enjoyable read(Your inspiration is no longer MIA)


  • faderman1959
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the optimism in this! No matter the obstacle perseverance prevails! This is on of your best I have read so far!

  • Mickie27
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the stanza "pierced from pain" it makes you actually understand from a physical point of view the pain you feel. I have been through a lot and can relate to the reality of emotional pain and the link between physical pain and emotional pain. That is what sets of psychosymatic illnesses that are very real. I think you capture that pain well in that stanza. I absolutely loved the poem. This is a write full of depth and emotion.




    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you... I have Chronic Regional Pain Disorder so the physical part of the pain is a reality I'm afraid. But I think emotional/mental pain plays a part in this whole cycle also. The pain gets you down/getting down ups the pain... ahh the cycles.. lol


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO !!

    I think this can be appylied to most any thing in ones life, I so understand this whole piece, I have to say that i am always impressed every time you write some thing,and there are times when you bring me to a better knowledge of my self through your writes,

    i like this part : in corruption false through slant of fatigue and guilt conform to turmoil when strength
    momentarily waned its customary grip?

    Beautiful! talent!!!!

    Bless you Sis

    Rend


  • aboomer silver member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yes, I think it's a cycle, too - love your wording in this (and love the bg!). I can so relate to those 'unslept' nights and thoughts and fears. Especially like,

    'Hope tilts on a
    precarious balance
    where the scale
    often slips'

    Great job!


  • Mistressnomaster
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Deep thoughts here Kiwi, ones that I think are played out from pain and meds if I read Your list rightly, hope You feel better soon.

    MM


  • The Gambler
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazingly brilliant! This reminds me of a Sylvia Plath poem. It’s a fast read and abstract. I am so inspired by your work. I have never composed an abstract piece before and if I study yours I may try to write one. This poem is superb!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! I've never read Sylvia Plath, though heard of her and had to write for a contest once with one of her lines as a prompt. I should read her!

      Although abstract it's also quite literal in that I deal with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome and that causes some physical and emotional cycles...

      Look forward to reading some abstract work from you! It's fun to do!


  • Alyzeh
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This raised so many questions in the otherwise silent brain. The emotions were strong, the excellent flow had me going on and on..however..I loved how you ended this poem. Great work!


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My heart feels this, in an emotional rather than physical way but I can relate all the same. It just takes one small thing to tip the balance of power and shift it into darkness. You speak because you know but even better because others can understand. Best to you sis


  • luna-midnight gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aw...wow....this is amazing
    hope your okay...lol.i love the ending.
    take care, Stephanie ♥


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    precarious balance.. love that last line
    its so fitting
    Brilliant hun
    Best wishes Julie x


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When you write like this Jackie, you mirror my thoughts perfectly and express them so well. It is a cycle and one we can neither afford to break

    With love
    Sue


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Sue! You are one of the few that can really understand this write!


      I am catching up on writes tomorrow so will come visit your page

      ♥


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is deep deep! Brilliantly written and so relatable! Especially the opening verse. What the hell is with time? Why does it seem to speed up and slow down, sucky really! Considering the slow bit always appears when you don't want it to. Endurance is a most fitting word, something all chronic pain sufferers end up becoming expert at. It is a horrid cycle, of good days when you dread the bad (cos you know they are coming) and bad days when you long for good...no wonder we're all mad A stunning write hun, superbly penned!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 29, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks hunny I know you understand this cycle all too well!

      Meh, we're a good mad right?

      Luv ya


  • Quiet places
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Splendid

    Flows so nicely! Very well done on this poem! I love this one. Such descriptive message and best expression. Great job. Don


  • sailor ptolema
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yay for optimism !
    this is good, jacks.


    meg


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is in my opinion, your deepest write to date Jackie, so pensive and powerful hun.

    I knew these feelings were in you somewhere because I’ve been waiting for them with gripped anticipation, well done.


    Sincerely
    and with much love,
    mj.


  • Cannonsfire
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You did an excellent job with this SIL, well done C


  • MotorcycleFreak silver member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Very well constructed my friend. It expresses powerful emotion and an important message for those who are not aware or are not sensitive to this situation. Very Well Done as Always. ~Peace~Gar


  • buffsab99
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Your work always amazes me because you have such an open mind and see what most do not. Bravo beautiful poetress


  • thejollytinker
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Cures spider bites, this! The scales of truth sit empty, balanced.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Jackie

    If this is medicated madness, you really have to share. This is some good ****.

    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Buddy! It's about all the medicated madness

      Good **** woot!


  • chilali
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing! I loved this Jackie! So beautiful! The background is really cool as well..Well done and keep up the great work. I look forward to reading so much more from you


  • notorious gold member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Rainbow Lucky Charms

    Just had to mention the cereal because of the list name; "Coloured Medicated Madness".

    This is so matter-of-fact and sharply written and felt.

    "still hours
    un-slept"
    As in...hours that are going so slowly, or hours that you haven't slept yet??

    "slant of fatigue"
    LOVE that; insanely creative use of 'slant'.

    "to bear the weight
    once more"
    Great reference to the title (actually, just a good title;o it made me think of anorexia before I clicked on it). This does make me sad. :C

    "towards optimistic
    intention"
    You go girl.

    Those last 4 lines are awesomesauce.

    Anyways, the lack of punctuation and the flow was kick-ass and I think your line breaks were done exceptionally well Jacks.

    :C Hope you feel better...take some more drugs.


    Jessicaaaa


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      That's a cereal?? Sounds yummy

      The slow hours when you're not sleeping... sigh... lol

      I feel better today.. I got some sleep!! Woot! And.. my cross-stitch arrive woot! *is a saddo*

      Thanks hun... you


  • lunarlunacy
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    killer pic kiwi

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