i gave you my summer
in timid musings
foolishly
with method and precision
you chipped away the
sunshine in my eyes
to see thunderstorms
in my capillaries
curiosity satisfied
you left me to endure winter
with nothing but a
blanket of remorse
nothing but
the half-eaten remnants
of turkish delight
Author notes
Author Name: Polaja
I love winter too 
I'm a winter baby myself and I wish that it was coming onto winter here ... the turkish delight was a reference to Narnia - 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' ... I really don't like turkish delight ... or Edmund for that matter.
A contest entry
- 50 words: Winter by whiterabbit..
500 points, ended November 27, 2008, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Bandit Appreciation!
Thank you for entering this poem into the reading list
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The Poetic Bandits
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I commented on this but it didn't register. It is a wonderful piece and congrats on your gold trophy.
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I recognized your reference of turkish delight. I love Narnia. I read The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. I seen the movies. I hate winter though. Congrats on the gold trophy.
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Congrats on the gold. This is a very well written poem that I enjoyed very much. Obviously you are well-read, which will help you tremendously as a writer. Great work, Poet.
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Outstanding
This is word perfect. Great flow and the imagery is both sensitive and original. This scores 10/10 easily.Congratulations on the gold trophy I must say that I continue to be impressed by your poetry.
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this is brilliant.
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I really love this. The descriptions and the wording are amazing. I love how strongly I can feel the emotions in this piece. Wonderful poem.
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Wow. I don't know what to say. Very imaginative with loads of imagery. I don't like winter that much we get awful weather in the UK most of the year round, but when winter is here it is worse than ever. Just recently we have had flood warnings. Great poem and very effective.
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Great write and sounds sad to be left.
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yessss. narnia shout OUT!. got the reference w/o peeking at the AN.
'tis good, pol.
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yes, and i love the psych reference in the title too haha. i think it sums the poem up very well. dont change it!!!
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this is one of my favorite poems of yours too! i love the language; chilling haha.
"...chipped away the sunshine in my eyes
to see thunderstorms in my capillaries..."
that is beautiful! love it!
great write and good luck in the contest!
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Thanks for the C.S. Lewis reference...I don't like Edmund either. My favourite part was 'to see thunderstorms in my capillaries. I also noticed that the title comes from psy of learning. ...so glad they learned to jump that fence. Cheers
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That title actually makes me think of bending to somebody's will...being in situations that make you feel victimized.
Hmm...should've said that in my first comment.
LMAO. -
Hey, this is a really good poem. I have to say, my least favorite part was the title. although it originally drew me to read it, it doesn't fit with the poem at all. the term is used in psychology fore mostly and has a lot of meaning behind it. it would be interesting to know why u chose that as your title and how it links in to your piece.
i did like your Turkish delight reference too, even with out the author notes at the end explaining, you can take away a different meaning.
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I used it as my title because just like the yoked dogs learnt that they couldn't do anything that would affect the contingency between the tone and the shock, the persona learnt that nothing they did could stop the control the other person had over the events in their life. That is, until after the experiment, when the curiosity had been satisfied and they were gone. In which case, just like when the dogs were untethered they (with prompting) learnt that they could jump to the other side of the box to avoid the shock, this person is open to learning a new response.
I'm glad you liked the turkish delight
Thank you for your comment
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Oh that makes perfect sense. Nicely done. I actually like the way you use it. (hmm should have figured that one out myself)
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it's alright, I know it was a little abstract - but our lecturer keeps thumping the 'practical implications' of the things that we learn - so this is my way of remembering them
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This is nifty.
You know what?
Your line breaks always ROCK my face off.
"with method and precision"
Oh god, I can see a scalpel.
LoL.
"sunshine of my eyes"
My suggestion would be "sunshine IN my eyes"; it makes it seem more internal, I think. Plus, you use 'of' later in your poem.
"thunderstorms
in my capillaries"
That's fucking fantastic!!!
Love the imagery & the insane uniquity.
"but a
blanket of remorse"
COOL.
LoL at your AN and that last stanza...
Bubbles & fizz,
Jessica
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I'm glad I rock your face off - but wouldn't that be painful ... I changed it to 'in' - thank you for the suggestion!
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LoL! That expression is definitely more of the figurative ones in my roster of weird lingo...
but I'll be honest, I stole that phrase from a friend.
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