it's dark over here
I'm all alone
running from fear
no minds but my own
to love is to hate
to question is to know
leaving all up to fate
not sure how to show
I can't explain how
I can only explain who
this fear I have now
I got it from you
you never did understand
I dont think you ever could
now I'm taking a stand
not sure if I should
I'm close to the edge
I don't want to fall
I'm standing on a ledge
I'm giving my all
not sure where to go
no idea what to do
pushing all pain below
hiding it from you
I want you to see
I really truly do
what you've done to me
the pain you put me through
how I feel every day
the things I keep inside
everything I can't say
all the things that I hide
you don't know the real girl
you know who I pretend to be
it's all about to unfurl
my cry for help- can't you see?
- Those That Write From Experience group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Fresh Emotion by Coffer.
800 points, ended November 3, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep, Dark, Emotional by Horrific Hollis.
700 points, ended November 6, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Easy as Pie by Cyanide Dreams.
3250 points, ended April 17, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - sad, depressed, suicide, cutting, rape anything like that i want by serenity silvermoon.
525 points, ended March 1, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what feelings did you get when you read this?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hmm, the feelings I got when I read this was definitely sadness yet this powerful motivation. Like although you've been put through all of this pain and are really struggling, you aren't quite ready to give up yet. I just think that's a beautiful thing, but feel so much pain but be strong and get through it. If what you wrote here is true to yourself, then that's exactly what you have to do. Just get through it.
My favorite lines in this were:
I'm standing on a ledge
I'm giving my all
Once again, just so much power and motivation there. Good job and good luck in your contests! -
Wow, this is really well penned. The flow and imagery are, in the words of a friend, awesomazing.
. This spoke to me, because I used to hide everything I felt, used to keep myself in the dark, until I just cracked and let it all out. The rhythm is perfect, and I'm usually not to into rhyming poems but you did a perfect job. Nice write and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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The messege in this poem is a very common one. Over all good write. Good luck. ~Hollis
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Wow, this has a great message of real struggle and real emotion, and it is laid out in a way that touches me. There is not much flaw in your use of diction, but expanding it would be my first priority.
Other than that, I don't think I can see anything that breaks flow or character, great job.
Good luck during judging.
-Nathan -
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Thanks! =)
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