I can hear the crackle of the fire in
your eyes; a peephole to your thoughts.
I want to crawl inside your skin and lock
the door behind me. The warmth in
your laugh is cozy, comfortable, kind. I
want to touch the sound. It passes
through my fingertips but somehow I
can feel the airwaves against my heart;
Bump. Bump. Bump. Blood blushing
purple through my veins; you are a vital
part of me. Like it, or not. You are. You
are and I don't like it, but there it is. And so
I leave it and so you take it. The voice that
plays my conscience in the shadows says
it's wrong, it's wrong, and it's right, I'm
wrong. I don't care. Crawl inside my skin
and don't forget to lock the door behind
you. Light a match because I want to
see the flames dance off your soul; I
want to see the flames dance.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really enjoyed the odd line breaks - at first glance, one would think that it would detract from the piece, causing a stutter in the words but I actually think it adds to the poem.
Also, you have a gift for imagery. There were some lines that seem a bit redundant and or juvenile such as "Like it, or not" but as a poet, it is at your own discretion that these additions are made.
Finally, the ending is sublime. Again, the imagery is spot on and the last two line are killer. Very nicely done!
Best wishes! -
this is pretty good, the first stanza was great, the imaginery was really good, and i almost felt the warmth of the person you were describing, i want to touch the sound-great line
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WOW, this is a brillaint write, the fact that each stanza is actually a continuation is fantastic. The imagery in this is amazing: "Crawl inside my skin
and don't forget to lock the door behind
you. Light a match because I want to
see the flames dance off your soul; I
want to see the flames dance."
This was the best part of the poem, everything about those lines seemed perfect to me, it seemed to represent so much with the diaphanous image of the soul on fire.
Simply amazing
"you are a vital
part of me. Like it, or not. You are. You
are and I don't like it, but there it is. And so
I leave it and so you take it." another fantastic part
the whole poem is great
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very nice write
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I really liked the last stanza.I think those lines are the best in your poem. I've never thought of sb crawling inside me ...but i like what you've penned in here.Keep it up!
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