crush[ed]

the world turned to grains of sand and dust around us
(much like the second chance i kept sliding under the hourglass glued to the table,
my pokerface cracking under the pressure of each
jagged-razor one am kiss) and i couldn't help but wonder at the way
your eyes skipped like a river rock over the
raw patches of my skin where i opened myself for you
only to have you close me like a door
even after all the slip-ups, and the promises, and the whispers, and the nights spent
driving in your car while you labelled me your star
i retraced every mile, trying to find some semblance of you and i in the lines
on the road
but i didn't find a thing and i didn't even see the same stars
that we once wished upon
and i made a promise that if i ever saw another one
i'd wish to go back in time, before i met you, before i understood how it felt to love
and how it felt to lose that love too
i sat on the windowsill, hoping i'd slip and fall
because i couldn't take the way my chest hurt from the sudden detachment
of you pulling yourself away
claiming you just wanted to "live and have fun, nothing against (you) at all" but
it was against me, i know because i felt each pronoun
cut straight through my eyelids
prying open my mind where i relived every.single.
"i love yo-- i mean..."
and each look you gave me when your actions spoke louder than words
i couldn't even bare to take it
so i picked up the mask i took off for you, turning it over and over in ice cold hands
before slipping it over my head
and looking myself in the mirror, disappointed
with everything you must have seen



we were once so perfect
until you decided i wasn't