Can you have a heart for a second and see what I see?
All of the things you have put unto me.
Going to sleep night after night
crying again cause I don’t wanna fight.
Locking up my soul and tossing the key
faking a smile and being happy.
Noone ever good enough for you're love
looking down on everyone you think your above.
No ones perfect I hope you can see
you really f****d up this family.
But ill take the blame you know its true
and once again it’ll be poor pitiful you.
Author notes
Another new start to get into writing again. What do you think?
A contest entry
- Frustration by Polaja.
1200 points, ended November 13, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write me something by YesterdaysDreams.
700 points, ended February 18, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds! Tears of Blood and Ink by ladyhelenaofsorrows.
700 points, ended February 22, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You're a Disgrace, Nothing More, Nothing Less by tsukiyo.
550 points, ended February 27, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hate me today by Til the Day I Die.
600 points, ended April 2, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like the new idea?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
There is a lot of emotion in this piece, and it's expressed with a lot of power. Well done, and thanks for the entry! There are a couple of spelling and grammatical errors, but a quick check will fix those.
Nice write!
-Lena -
The tragedy of life is what dies in the hearts and souls of people while they live.
~Albert Einstein
Do not ever feel alone, this was a very emotional piecegood job -
WOW!
this was a powerful poem full of depth of feeling and it shows your beautiful heart and spirit.
LOVED THIS!
mummy, xoxox
-
I think you and I have a lot in common. I also have a family member like that. great job
-
Although this is an excellent expression of your feelings I think that there are places that could be edited, for example 'sole' should be 'soul', and 'your' should be 'you're' ... but they are simple mistakes ... I like the new foray into poetry and I hope that all goes well for you
Thank you for entering
Polly
-
wow! i really liked this poem. my favorite part was "Going to sleep night after night
crying again cause I don’t wanna fight." good luck in the contest. ♥
-
Wow thats an amazing write and i know excally where you comming from on this poem. Thats an amazing write and alot to feel. Thanks for sharing such an amazing write!
-
It's a good poem. I love the premiss. The conclusion I draw is a bitterness between you and a member of the family. You'd like to feel love for them, you'd like to put yourself on the line, but in the end your conscience makes you wonder whether it is truly worth it. Worth sacrificing the truth for a lie.
-
Sensitive and breakable, as if not already broken,
Good write, those were the feelings I got from this piece, without emotion there is no feeling, without feeling there is nothing between the lines.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
