I will get rid of that happy grin
it is your trust I will win.
Then when I get it ill take it away
lock it in a box and there it will stay.
I don稚 have to return it , now its mine
It値l rot in there just give it time.
I値l be the person you値l see when you sleep
when you wake in the night and begin to weep.
I値l be the one mistake you wish you never made
the one night girl you wish you could trade.
You will try to forget me and you really should
your memories of me are anything but good.
But I値l always have the part of you I chose to take away
locked deep down in a box and there it will stay
Author notes
I dont know if this is done, just something ive been working on. What do you all think?
A contest entry
- Fresh Emotion by Coffer.
800 points, ended November 3, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abuse, Death, Pain by psychomonkey.
550 points, ended October 29, 146 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like the new idea?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
This is so deep. I've had a man come in, gain my trust, and take it. It hurts. I still feel that hurt when I"m around him. And I still have trust issues. He left it 2 rot in the box. I always wondered wat it would be like on the other side and this is a beautiful depiction of it. Wonderfully written, very clever.
-
This is absolutely amazing.
-
Well to me, it looks like you are very angry and emotional and I could almost feel that within me reading this. It was very powerful, I like it. My onlyy advice could be somehow leading into why you feel this way. Other than that its GREAT.
-
Well, I think it shows an interesting perspective. Once again, a disguised sense of bitterness. Feeling so betrayed, the "I've been accused of something that I didn't even do" perspective. The payback mentality.
It's anger and sorrow all mixed into one poem. Great work.
I don't necessarily know if my interpretations were on point or not. -
Wow, intense. This gives me an inside look at these kinds of issues that really hits the note. It is definitely a write with powerful emotion and a deep impact, but if you keep working on this, I believe that you could have a real peice of work.
Great job, and good luck
-Nathan
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
