drawn deep indigo ribbons
pulled tighter into bows
cinch, accent
happiness one knot away;
I should be ecstatic
[wool moths,
eating away at themselves
& flying in circles--
fangs dipped
into ink ashes]
torrent masterpiece
that is painted next to you
merely shutter shadow escape
and strawberry soup wishes
the mint's turned stale;
do I dream? no, never.
Author notes
I'm sure, and yet I'm not sure.
A contest entry
- Fresh Emotion by Coffer.
800 points, ended November 3, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - More than 10 but Less then 60 Quickie by SuicidalLover.
550 points, ended November 20, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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They say Poe I say James Morrison. Dark with no bad aftertaste. I love it. Starting to notice you try capturing emotions or feelings, and rarely do you ever try to tell a story or have a sequence of events. It is a great way to write. I look forward to clicking on more of your works.
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Wonderfully penned
The ending was great
I like the mystery of your AN -
Ohh. I like this quite a bit. I enjoyed the structure techniques you employed and your word usage is exemplary. Not to mention that I am a rabid Poe fan.
Nicely done & thank you for your entry! -
One word.
POE. This is such an eerie peice that is masterfully constructed with a heavy suspense draw with every word. This style reminds me of the first time I read E.A. Poe, just leaving me speechless at the raw feelings that it lays out. To never dream, never having a hope at happiness, that is a deep message.
Great job, good luck in the judging.
-Nathan -
Once again— I've said this before— you are fantastic. I love the second stanza— the one in brackets. Gorgeous. It's... yeah. You're very deep, sister of mine.
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