Stuck on the inside, I witness what's real,
solidified boundries, I will never awaken.
It's only clear liquid and plastic, I feel,
trapped in a box 'till next winter, forsaken.
I am frozen in time, and my body stays still,
the surrounding curved window has no end.
With the ice and the snow, but no winter chill,
in with the case of adornments, I blend.
Deep in the depths of the attic above,
I lay there and ponder my whole life away.
I patiently wait for that season I love,
my tiny heart's dream, that spectacular day!
I've been counting the months until I'm set free,
so safe and so small, but I am still strong.
Come on, pick me up, and then fill me with glee!
Tell me it's worth it to wait for this long!
Please press your fingerprints onto the glass,
so my plastic lungs breathe and my hope will revive.
All that I want is for this time to pass.
My sweet reverie simply must come alive.
Author notes
October 28, 2008.... I thought it would be neat to write a poem about a figure in a snowglobe, waiting for the next winter to come so it can be put out on display again.
*POM Contest*
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - by Bear - by Arkbear.
2000 points, ended November 1, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make it Personal - Personification by Swintha.
700 points, ended November 11, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
I really do love this poem. I thank you for entering it into my contest. Now, I'm not commenting on everybodys poems, just the ones that made it to the finalist list upon reading it first. So congratulations on that. It's such a warm and inviting poem even though it's so cold and icy from the snow. I didn't know you were talking about a man in a snowglobe, that's what made me love it! It was sutble and inviting and you clearly put alot of effort into this poem. Thanks. Good luck.
-Swintha
-
Hi and welcome to the POM!
As someone who isn't really fond of rhyming poetry, I can honestly say that I really enjoyed this. I thought it was fun and unique, and just all around a good piece. I agree with NeonRose though, I would shorten the title a little, but, nonetheless it was an excellent write.
Best of luck and remember, no editing until the contest is over!
-
Hi, and welcome to the POM
I enjoyed this read very much. Great theme and concept.
I would shorten the title, maybe drop the "In July" ..that is understood..or at least should be, by the content of the write.
Good imagery, nice rhyme scheme. Over all, a very good entry.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
-
Very beautiful creatively written poem Good luck in the pom
-
I am so glad to see that somebody dares to post again rhyming poetry to PO* contest, lol. Great job is done here. Good luck
-
Welcome to the POM!
It's only clear....>>.....not a fan of the beginning of that line....not very poetic ~
Your Theme.....how very clever!
Your rhyming scheme is nice.....a tad forced in grammatical choices, but still nice ~
Your meter is almost flawless
*but I am still strong*.....not very poetic....more of a *Story Tone* there ~
The rest of your lines could use a tad bit of tweaking to keep it poetic....ie;.....
( I've been ) Counting the months..>>
( Come on ) Pick me up and..>>
( Please ) Press your fingertips..>>
Do you see what I am doing?
I am taking away words which have no Power or Impact to your lines.....basically, *Filler Words*
I enjoyed this write a lot....you have broken the *Commonness* mold with this write.....nicely done.....good luck & God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 6.85...I would not click on this Title, unless I wanted to read about this genre....but, maybe -
Flow 9.2....Flow is nice....Cutting out some Filler Words could improve the Flow, IMHO -
Depth 9.8....mmm...lots of depth...very nice -
Theme 10...I have to give you a 10 here!...Nicely chosen! -
Feelings 9.5....I was engaged in your personification -
Grammar 7.85...simple....bring on the POWER mext time -
Presentation 9.4...usually not a fan of all quatrains..but your meter and Flow -
Uncommonness 9.9...unique, but on border of hearing something similiar before on AP -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7...I did ponder -
Ability to follow Rules 10! -
Bears Score: 92.2
Nice!
No editing after a Judge has touched your work
-
Nice theme, one I haven't seen before. I like the images and emotion you've put into this. I think you've done a good job with it.
best wishes in the contest.
-
I have always loved "snow globes", they remind me of my youth
Good luck in the contest
-
All right, you asked for honesty...
This is awesome I've often wondered about snow-globes, and whether or not the little creatures they hold have any sort of thoughts or feelings. I love how you've written this, with a playful sense of gloom and curiosity. Well done, and good luck in the contest!
Best wishes,
Laura, aka Immortal
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
