(In)sanity = My Happy Medium?

i ponder
what it means
to
"be all there"
i question
if it's my
happiness
that keeps
me on that
medium
where sadness
and inferiority
cannot touch me.
where the people
don't matter
because i don't
give a damn,
where i think
it's all okay,
where i live
where i dream
where i die?
this is my
happy medium?
this place
i call
(In)sanity
because
being sane
is no longer
a medium
but a betrayal
where i feel
so lost,
where the words
speak louder
than that actions
that keep me
locked
into
my
fear.