In sweetest Caledonian
My lover whispered "pain be gone"
And in the flutter of an eye
No more an earthly form was I
In life I had not realised
How utterly I was despised
Now in the soil that cradles me
I see the truth so perfectly
Your kisses laced with deadly thoughts
Left torn tattoos upon my corpse
From apple cheek to pearly thigh
I'm covered in your greatest lie
In sweetest Caledonian
I whispered back "our souls are one"
And as your face grew red with blood
I pulled you underneath the mud
A contest entry
- Finish Strong by TabbyCat.
700 points, ended November 20, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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It makes me think of a ghost (woman scorned) reaching her hands up through the mud, grabbing the ankle of her living lover and pulling him down under
I think it's really good.
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Great
This is a magnificient piece and one of the best i have read in recent times, keep it rolling. -
Wonderfully grim, dark write. Now, tell us how you really feel. Great imagery and atmosphere in this one. You give new meaning to the term "long-term relationship."
Garrison
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WOW!
This is another work of art from your mighty pen. As I have said before, I only wish to be more like you. Your works are of true quality my friend. This is reminicient of Edgar Allan Poe. Your pen writes of beauty and it writes of woe. This one in particular is Poe re-lived. Your friend forever, Mysty Rain
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This a beautiful creative written piece. I love how you worded every line, "Your kisses laced with deadly thoughts" would be one my favorites. Thank you for sharing.
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x
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Uhmm very nice phrasing:
Lines 7+8, Stanza 3 and lines 15+16 are my favourite. I'm not sure I completely understand it though, but on a purely aesthetic level I like it
Sorry for my ignorance x
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SO PASSIONATE AND WITTY!!!
In sweetest Caledonian
I whispered back "our souls are one"
And as your face grew red with blood
I pulled you underneath the mud
What is Caledonian by the way?
Your poem reads as a simmering resentment to a failed romance. There is anger, but not the instant explosion normally associated with breakups. It is a step by step realization of someone who wanted something that wasn't to be. Fantastic job, Steph!!!!
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Two of my favourite things here...
Scorned is my username elsewhere (for reasons I can not explain), and your use of the word tattoo is intreguing as I have used it in a simular fashion.
IOnteresting write, I would love for this whole story to come to life and take its first clean breath of air...
Well written and a new tallent to add to my list of favourites.
Well done YOU!
Simon
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Oh I envy your rhymeing talent. This is another example of it. Super Duper poem!
Joe
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The poem works on many levels - which makes it quite remarkable. Reveling in unalterable truth, it tempts finality of death, and therefore hope. The connection of blood (Adam) and earth "grounds" the poem in a strong cadence - a confirmation.
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Thank you for reading my poem "A Woman Scorned" I enjoyed reading your comments - glad you found so much in my writing. Thank you. Stephy x
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Yikes and Ouch! I admire the words and the construction but find the content uneasy sits in my mind. Edgar Alan Poe strikes my thoughts but I guess that this is a unique vehicle for your ideas. Shall I sleep tonight?
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Steph - this is a powerful, beautifully written work with perfect meter, deft rhyme and that 'Carrie' moment in the last line. As ever, your writing is one of life's pleasures. Congrats and 3 more clappie things!
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Hi - thanks for your comments and for taking time out of your day to read my poem - most appreciated as ever!
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IN AWE OF YOUR TALENT!!!!!!
Peace in light and love
Noah
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wow
i really liked it, the imagery and the emotion!
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Wow this poem is really interesting and sparks the imagination i must say! It paints a veery interesting relationship, and with all the soil and blood talk I must say wow! Weird, but cool.
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Truly something that makes a reader ponder, yet beautifully crafted with such tender wording. A poem that touches upon emotions of the heart. beautiful.
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You are quite the poetical traveler. If your pen was a walking stick, supporting you as you venture from the deep south to the high hills, your message would be the wisdom imparting sage hidden in the folds of your mouth... The poet speaks truth because they possess understanding of some universal strain of existence. It is timeless, beyond us and utterly beautiful.
This poem has a flowery morbidity that is reminiscent of Wuthering Heights. I can't be certain if you had said novel in mind, but I like it! Makes me want to pick up my Bronte Sisters again.
"Yesterday afternoon set in misty and cold. I had half a mind to spend it by my study fire, instead of wading through heath and mud to Wuthering Heights."
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Thank you for such wonderful comments. I didn't have Wuthering Heights in mind - however it is my favourite novel so I suppose it must have been at the back of my thoughts somewhere! Thanks again for your kind comments (and for your message pointing out my typo - I appreciate it as I hate typos!)
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