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Betta Splendens

goldenrod
sails striped metallic blues,
an elegant frame the for the small sleek
creature, seeming larval dragon, in
mahogany armor,
scale mail, black-
accented,
delicately inlaid,
each scale set with lunar-hued opal.
he hung as if suspended in glass,
this predatory jewel,
proud, fierce, and
brilliant
warrior water sprite
patrolling his aqueous domain
cloaked in deceptive fragility
and an iridescent
radiance.

Author notes

My username is intoothandclaw. The prompt is 'turquoise'. The brilliant iridescent spangling on the Chocolate (brown with yellow fins) betta described ranges, in real life, from a cerulean approaching cobalt to greenish aqua depending on the light quality and angle, but turquoise is its usual hue. Since that image is the first thing that came to mind for the prompt, that's what I wrote about. This is a 'form' I invented involving syllable counting. 3-6-9-9-6-3, three times.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • my02U
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so different from everything else that got entered in my contest. for once i'm not reading "i loved him/her, but (s)he hated me..." this is a very good poem, i love that i can see the image that you saw... congrats! and i love the form - mind if i try it?

    • intoothandclaw
      November 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I've actually expanded on it and named it since I first created it. It's a 'shinja'; it can have 3, 6, or 9 stanzas of 3, 6, or 9 lines apiece of either 3-6-9-etc. or 9-6-3-etc. repeating. Most of mine have three or six lines going 3-6-9(9-6-3). Feel free to use it if you like, just don't forget the syllable counting part!

      • my02U
        November 12, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        i'll have to keep coming back to read this explanation, 'cuz i'll never remember it on my own... hey, have you ever written one that rhymes?

        • intoothandclaw
          November 12, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I actually wrote up a full description with examples (IIRC) for a different contest. Here: http://allpoetry.com/poem/4735699

          All you really need to remember are 3, 6, and 9, tho'. That's how many stanzas, how many lines, and how many syllables per line. The name means "sacred snake" in Japanese if that also helps you remember.

          And no, I have not. Rhyme isn't something I'm very good at or very fond of. I do appreciate it when it's done well, but I've been so overexposed to pedestrian/cliche/just plain bad rhyme that my standards are irrationally high sometimes. Rhyming itself makes me cringe a little, even in poets I like. It just... puts me off. It's a silly personal quirk. Nothing says you *can't* rhyme it, tho'; it's just not "canon".