Sometimes I want a person
and a hand to hold
But everyone and my medicine
only make me feel controlled
Is it a good thing or bad
to miss the urges I once had?
Isn't this what I wanted
all along....
Then why does progress feel so wrong?
Sometimes my cuts are big sometimes small
a very long range
and I'm still getting used to
this confusing change.
Why can't I be happy
stop complaining- be glad
How can such a good thing
make me feel so bad?
I miss the urges I once had
now each are different and new
I feel so different alll the time
I don't know what to do!
Losing control
seeming quite blind
not sure who I am... &
losing my mind!
~Madison~
Author notes
This is yet another old poem. Written after all the years of medications [currently taking 12 different prescriptions]
they put me on 'the last resort' medicine for my suidality/depression/bi polar2depressive/self harm
it was such a high dose i just felt like a zombie and anyway this is how i felt on 300 milligrams. ive now convinced my doctor to stay at 200.
this poem is actually missing my urges to self harm. ive been used to them for too many years, it was uncomfortable, almost, without them.
Comments
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Great poem I know how you must feel I hope you're doing okay if not you can always talk to me
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I know exactly how you feel!
Sorry you are going through such a rough
time in your life. I do hope that things
turn around for the better for you very
soon! It's quite a challenge to live your
life like that everyday. I wish you all the
best in your future and thanks a lot for
sharing your story with us all here! Take
care!
Jeremy0826
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thank you very much for reading my poem and taking the time to comment. yes this piece is a bit personal and hard to follow, and i appreciate the recognition. thanks.
~Madison~
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