When I close my eyes on this red field night
the screeching of machines doesn’t penetrate my dreams,
of pressing my lips to your face once again
and holding my child I have not seen.
But then I’m instantly torn from your faithful grip
and that’s when my mind begins to play tricks.
How I forget, who, where or what I am.
Because I’m a chess piece, deadened by the Man.
So I try to shut out the sounds of constant crying,
the sirens, the shootings, and my brave men dying.
And the images of blood streaked children from my mind.
As I roam through these fields,
and seen who I have killed
my insanity becomes my reality.
But the scars that have been inflicted,
have permanently sickened
the land where soldiers spirits can be free.
So I toss, and you turn.
And I shake and you yearn.
And even though you lay right here beside me
I can’t tell you how my heart is decayed.
The numbness inside is all I can find
and my mind is half a world away
Author notes
This write is based on Post tramatic stress disorder. I just hope those that read it can understand the presents of the write. I just dont think got my point across, he isnt at war at all in this write, this all takes place after. please let me know if thats what you got out of it.
ziola
In a list
A contest entry
- R.I.P Brett Hall; another soldier lost by DinkyDiver.
2500 points, ended October 4, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think.
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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and thats when my mind begins to play tricks!! I like that line it flowed so beautifully within this poem!!
I knew instantly before I got to the AN that this was based on PTSD... as I have suffered with ptsd for other bad experiences... but yes you defintitly got the message across here well. This is the aftermath ...... a long time of being away from being the soldier that he once was....... how it's decayed his heart and soul and what he's seen and been through will never be forgotten even in his dreams..........Well done and thankyou so much for sharing this with us.. if this is about you.....it must have been difficult to write.. xx DD
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That is so heartbreaking. Such a targic piece. Beautifully written
Love it! Great job. It speaks of something near and dear to my heart. Thank you for entering
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PTSD is a very real and severe affliction often resulting in ominous and disasterous behavior--
I know, because I went through it after returning home from combat.
Thanks to family, friends, and professionals, I learned to overcome the affliction and Thank God, am living a productive, normal life.
This write is very vivid in its projection of this affliction and you constructed your thoughts with sincerity and honesty!
Well Done!
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I have read a few of your poems, you are talented. This one is really good alot of veterans go through this and it is very sad but you did a great job with this
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I like that, I like that a lot. very good. good luck.
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Heartbreaking, tragic -
And the stories of SO many soldiers across the world today. it's just another point of war that I don't understand; yes thousands die as a result, but not only that -
thousands are destroyed, and these are many of the ones who return home alive, but obviously cannot remain being the people that they were before war, because war destroyed who they are, what they know, and - inflicts nightmares from what they've seen -
I do think you got your point across, whilst I didn't automatically think of PTSD, I knew precisely what you were talking about -
Great write, thank you for entering
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yes
It reads as a very devistating piece of hell on earth,
I felt the pain in it the flash backs have to be very
drenching of ones spirit, I have heard, and I
worked in a mental health care facality and saw men
huddled in corners and crying and pleading to kill them fast
not to torture them,
heart wrentching..
thank you for this entry
MM
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I think you wrote a very good description .
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wow, I think that even though during the beginning of the piece it felt as though he was at war, the way it ended lets the reader take in what they read and realize he wasn't there during the write at all. very well written and thanks for sharing!
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'I see a dark sail on the horizon, set under a black
cloud that hides the sun.'' Does that line fit by chance or by thought?
To walk along ridges, overlooking battlefields afar, does one rely on homelife memories, or the will and determination to survive and create more time for home? To take actions of courage and strength, or stand with nerves torn, with gut instinct to make sure it's not your day to die. Many days and nights, the power of will to return home keeping the fire in your belly stoked, only to cast shadows of days past across the clear skies of sleeples nights. Lives taken, and lives lost, lives saved and lives given future to be once more, free from hell.
A top class piece, and one I can read and understand with feeling. Excellent, Thank you for entering.
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I can feel those thoughts of the soldier, it is brilliant, well written. Grips the heart. I feel for those in previous wars and in Iraq. Blessings
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oh my god. This is great my brother Geoffrey is fighting over in afghanstan right now and I am sooo scared for him. I know he is hurting inside from all the things that he has to witness. He had just become a father right before he left and he was doing fine over there until he said tha he had to help clean up after a car bombing and they pulled up a wall and found a small little girl laying under the rubble still holding her teddy bear. He said he just broke down. It is so sad.
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Wow, now this is a good poem. I can see you put a lot of pride and work into this. I am quite happy you decided to enter my contest. Good luck!
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wow. i love this.
it stole my breath, literally
well done
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This is an awesome poem. I love poems that arededicated to the heroes of any nation who have given up their lives to protect and serve. Great job and thank you for entering my contest!
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filled with emotion. you let the reader into a most uncomfortable and painful place. My brother in law suffered from PTSD but it wasn't recognized as such then. His visions of Viet Nam finally killed him .. he shot himself. I understand this write for we have seen the pain.
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'I can’t tell you how my heart is decayed.
The numbness inside is all I can find
and my mind is half a world away'
that ending gave me goosebumps, this whole piece was brilliant and just wow.
thanks for entering
♥
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Brilliant!!
Awesome imagery!! Thank you for sharing your heart-and-soul-felt poem with all of us!! 
Wishing all the best to you, always. Peace, love & hugs, xx Cyn xx 
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1st line... is that supposed to be filled. Because my mind put that word there for some reason. Other then that this is a great poem. your rhyme scheme is a little bit sketchy but it reads smoothly like any poem should. this has a very strong last line in my opinion, I really like how it closes the poem up. This is an excellent take on the sacrifice theme I was going for. No one has used the fact that we sacrifice the only thing we truly have that is still ours, and that is our intellect, the ability to differentiate right from wrong. Beautifully done, in a gruesome way. Thank you for sharin
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Really?
All I remember is the constant fear and the will to survive--the need to do anything to survive. The feelings you write about didn't come until years later. -
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ty patrick for your comment and taking the time to read my poem, i appriecate your thoughts, and I also honor and appriecate you for your sacrifices you've made for us to have the comfort we have. this poem is just a general idea of the effects and aftermath of war. it may come slowly for some and instantly for others. this write is for emotional and educational purposes, its a fictional story to some who want to feel the feeling of sorrow, and for others, it can be a reality they can relate to, -- from war, abuse or rape.
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i asked for no rhyme.
sorry, this won't place. -
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i know, i noticed that rule after i wrote it
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A very nice piece. I enjoyed the vision from your mind of what a soldier must feel after the battles are won or lost, but carrying the scars inside that reveal the battle is never truly over for them. Thanks for the fine entry. Hugs, Bunny
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The title, too..An excellent write, i must say.
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This is such a lovely, lovely poem!
I absolutely love the imagery, the tone..Great job.
Keep the good stuff coming!
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that is so much a part of war not only the breaking of body but of spirit as well. I was giving a simple job interview to a man. When I asked the question What have you done to go above and beyond for a job? He started talking about his army experience and he cried, all I could do is get up and hug him. He got the job.
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oh my stars, this is powerful, i cried as i read this, i cannot even imagine the sacrifices made, but poems like this certainly help make it a little clearer, certainly not all the pain you felt but... wow this is really good, best of luck in the contest you have said a lot more here than many other writers can since it is not in their realm of knowledge, wow
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ty very much for your lovely comment
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Avery well written piece congratulations on the Gold trophy you have allready won in anoyher contest.
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the simple truth
at first i knew notwhat to say but then the more i read the more i understood.my friend was in the Gulf war and he has lived in Hell since he came back.mentaly that is nightmares,meeories of what he saw and did.his ex wife couldn't understand or didn't want to try.i always figured him a jerk.he was very nice always but annoying.but like i said he went through hell and saw stuff i don't even wan to know about.but once a person like a soliders tells you they can't get it out of their heads it gives you another sense of what they endured.it's not just the war it's the after math.in apiece i wrote i said some soliders come home but not to live.or something like that.how can they live with all that stuff stuck in their heads.very nice piece.my piece is called Less we forget,How do we forget?
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This is truely amazing I could feel it each and every bit of it. I too suffer from PTS but not for serving my country but for serving an abusive man. Great write
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sketched graphically such a brutal truth of war and
the remnants it etches.... upon our souls.Thankyou poet...for speaking the harsh realities
of .......truth.
flamesdragoness
welcome to the finalist list!
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What a great write...The rhyme scheme is smooth in most places, which is pleasing. There are a few choppy spots, but the strong emotional message of this piece overpowers that. The contrast between the dreams of the soldier and the realities of the battle is quite gripping. It is also ironic that when the soldier was on the battlefield, he dreampt of home. Then, when he was at home, all he could focus on were the horrors of the battlefield. The fact that he cannot explain his suffering to his lover is sorrowful...
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Wonderful
Your poem tears at my heart, post traumatic stress is a dreadful thing to have to live with. I guess a lot of the armed forces suffer the same way and that affects their families. Well done and good luck.
angelica
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Wow!
Reading this poem this morning...took my breath away. It was INDEED powerful and descriptive beyond words. My fiance was in the current war, and he said that the things you see and have to do there, would make any normal person sick. He still wakes up in the night thinking he's back there.
You make me feel as if I'm right there with the soldiers, hearing those sounds...seeing what they saw.
You've done an extremely wonderful job with this write, I'm honored to have it in the contest. Thank you greatly, for entering....and good luck to you!!!
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wow
this is really deep in the mind of a soldier. i have many people that i know that are or have been in the military. its very good and i liked it
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The sad reality that so many families and loved ones are faced with during these times.
Well Done...Remembering 9-11
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