This world has spun around
Another day and night I've found
Fraught with danger without end
Corners filled with shadows once again
And you think you're onto a good thing
Yeh you think you're onto a good thing
You want to be a star
And everybody says you'll go far
Nothing much is on the TV
Cable's up the shit for all to see
And you still think you're onto a good thing
Yeh you still think you're onto a good thing
And they like to label us one and all
That's what they do
A label just for me and a label just for you
It's a crap shoot after all
If you're not careful they'll put you on a stage
Tell you pretty lies and shit
Then say you're all the rage
Everybody's turned up for the free beer
'coz they can't see the real fear
Right there in your eyes
And you still think you're onto a good thing
Yeh you still think you're onto a good thing
A contest entry
- Big Points for Excellence by Mistressnomaster.
8500 points, ended November 3, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything (PW Allowed) by swimmeroks.
900 points, ended January 6, 108 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'm so
Comments
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This reads like song lyrics rather than a poem. While poetry can be lyrical and lyrics can be poetic, it doesn't happen very often.
I can get behind the idea of this piece and the emotion of it but for me, the rhyme ruins it. End-line rhyme is difficult to master and I don't think many writers ever do master it. I find myself waiting for the next rhyme and tripping over words if the meter is off.
That is not to say this is a bad piece, but maybe this piece wants to be song lyrics rather than poetry. -
i love this, this would make a really nice song, the kind of thing i like to listen to, very well done! good luck!
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Never let anyone make You something You are not, that's My motto...there are many fakes in this world, stay true to Yourself.
MM
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