Love is lost.
She walks down dusty hallways and through countless shrouded doorways
in the cliché tower
of someone's walled-in heart.
She can't see more than three
steps in front of her,
and what she sees is little but grey,
and rough rock.
It makes her want to close her eyes.
Author notes
The freewrite ideas on this site give such awesome ideas. The first line was the prompt I used. 
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Aww, it's cute! And so true. Although I think you could word the last lines a little better. It doesn't quite feel like it's ended. I like it, though. Short, sweet, and to the point.
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thanks. Heh, yep, had never really approached it as a proper poem until now. I've messed around with the spacing a bit, and like it better, but still feel iffy about "and rough rock". It sounds awkward and icky.
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It does. The last line is just a little too passive. It needs to be bold, because Love is no longer being bold. You need a reason for her to be lost. I'm not getting that feeling from the ending line. It could just be me, but I dunno. I like the idea of the line, but It needs to be strong.
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I kind of feel like it should stay "It makes her want to close her eyes"...
but with some kind of addition, something short, on the next line, that has more impact...
and it just isn't coming to me. More thought required.
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