Pretentious
doesn’t have to be catching
roman candles,
burning out
before they scorch
another wishful thought,
or even trying to explain
to the sky why
it’s too far
to hold my breath.
[Even though I try]
Maybe,
I should spit vulgarity
onto a tomb,
like grass cuttings;
fresh at first,
but always ending in mould
and stench.
Author notes
Option 1:
I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”
- Jack Kerouac
A contest entry
- You have two choices. by Never Fall in Love.
750 points, ended November 11, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 100 HM's - such an easy comp by Unsigned.
1000 points, ended January 10, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honest Critique Requested
Comments
-
Very nicely written, good imagery and a stunning message.
Simon
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That ending is so disgusting I don't even want to pictre it!
I think out of the ones I've been reading from you, you are slowly coming back.
Just take out the [[]] part ... it reduced the intensity of what was said before.
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Oh this is very good!!!! Actually I loved this one its one of my favorites by far now. Its just how you wrote it that spoke to me the most, its in a different style and I like that!!
This writing was raw and off the charts. I really really adore this piece. Good luck to you in the contest.
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I should spit vulgarity
onto a tomb - ouch, thats raw. Best of luck to you with the contest.
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