This is the end, a curtain call for two souls,
Entwined and untangled as their credits roll,
Don’t take a bow and don’t accept praise
As pundits and punters both alike say;
“What a performance! Oh wasn’t it grand!”
Though it never quite went the way that we’d planned,
The pain wasn’t acting; it was always too real,
We were just puppets who learnt how to feel.
Pulled by our heartstrings and tied into knots,
To love and be loved; we slowly forgot
To stoke up the fire, till embers remained,
As love hearts and doting transformed to disdain.
We were billed as A-listers, the best of the best -
Inflating our egos and enlarging our chests,
Disregarding our hearts as pride took control,
Letting them shrivel as our act was extolled.
As sense-of-self grew it crushed all our bones,
Wringing out goodness as love got dethroned,
Desolated with time, our patience was lost
And all other virtues; ignored, left to rot;
If life is a stage then ours is laid bare,
With the cracks in the floorboards beyond all repair,
Lighting diminished and props strewn across
A show that replaced any substance with gloss;
So this is the end, there will be no encore,
Please take your leave and don’t ask for more.
Author notes
Shit. Was that rhyme? Blimey.
Go easy on me, it's been a while...
"ladybug lands on lee"
A contest entry
- inspire me!! by fluffatron69.
700 points, ended November 2, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Anyone but Especially The Library Group by Library Piggy Bank.
400 points, ended November 3, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My brain's ticking like a bomb [2] by Never Fall in Love.
650 points, ended November 11, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything by poets whisper.
550 points, ended November 11, 2008, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - & all I ask, is for your best-- by Kiss the girl--x.
700 points, ended December 6, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The peices dont fit anymore by Talitha777.
413 points, ended December 6, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me feeling by Cant force beloved.
700 points, ended December 10, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 76 of 76
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A marvel, truly happy you entered this into the contest, thank you.
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The pain wasn’t acting; it was always too real,
We were just puppets who learnt how to feel.
I LOVE this line, u are very good, i like this poem alot well done x -
Simply the best I've ever read!
Adored your author note too.
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wow, thank you.
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Sorry for the typo.
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Don't apologise
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great rhyme and meter. thank you for the entry ... it is so sad.
you sound just like rakerman1 ... beautiful rhyme. -
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Unfortunately I am not in the same league as him
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that was brilliant! I mean, absolutely beautiful rhyme, flow and storyline all in one. Thoroughly enjoyed this piece!
"masquerade"
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Thank you very much
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i meant this:
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merci beaucoup
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?
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ack.
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yeah, this deserves more.
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yeah, it so does *rolls eyes*
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lol, i meant applause .. ahahaha
apparently I'm too poor to give you that
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I know you did, and that's funneh hahaha
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lol...that is how I felt writing about pigs and cows...I don't rhyme well, but sometimes, it is fun!
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You don't rhyme badly at all!
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Thanks. You are too kind...lol.
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'The pain wasn’t acting; it was always too real,
We were just puppets who learnt how to feel.'
&...
this ending:
'So this is the end, there will be no encore,
Please take your leave and don’t ask for more.'
those lines are amazing.
thanks for entering
♥
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muchas gracias
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This is a really cool poem. I loved the rythming. I loved your description of an ending relationship. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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This was excellent! I really liked everything about this! The story it told, the rhythm and flow. Great write!
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Thank you
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I loved this, which says a lot because a) I almost always hate rhyme &
it was long & I have a short attention span. Lol.
I thought your rhymes flowed really well from line to line, it had a steady rhythm;
Except for the first line in stanzas 5 & 6, idk what it is exactly, I just stumbled on those 2 lines.
I loved it though, great storyline & idea. Congrats on the trophies & good luck with the others
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Lol I only entered to get some feedback! (though that is pretty good feedback I suppose lol)
Cool, I'm glad
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I hate rhyme. I like this.
Congrats on the metal.
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thank you
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Psht. Write a poem for my contest and land two trophies already - one being gold.
Only you. -
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Gimme a silver, help me round off the collection
HAHA
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hahahahahhaha
you wish.
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This was written for me and you just happened to be holding one! Tuh! Some people, so self-centered
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lol
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yep that was rhyme. congrats one the gold shiny thing btw.
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This was marvelous! You got a very nice score of
61/66!
If you'd like to know where you got your points,tell me! -
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I would
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Excellent performance. BRAVO! Really great write.
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Thank you
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I really enjoyed this poem, it was both well written and clear! Though not concise, it said so much and kept me reading all the way to the end! Very good write, thanks for sharing this work with us and I hope to see more of you in my contests in the future!
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I'm glad you like it. I hope you find some inspiring entries.
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Yes, it was rhyme. Bloody good rhyme, too.
A pleasure to read.
helen~
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Haha, again, thank you
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Again, you're welcome.
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For having been awhile since you last rhymed, I thought this was absolutely amazing! I LOVE your rhyming stuff! When I first saw the couplet at the end, I kind of wasn't sure about it because it didn't have another two lines to go with it, but once I read it, I thought it was a really nice ending. Good lines to wrap it up! I also like that you used some great imagery and STILL managed to rhyme the thing! That takes talent! Thank you for sending me the link to this!
=)
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Thank you for commenting so nicely lol
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oh, bravo! love this.
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merci beaucoup
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it's exciting to read good rhyme.
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I really appreciate it
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Been awhile, but obviously it hasn't affected your work. Just a flurry of imagery and illustration of how the more we let ourselves be led on by society and what it imposes upon us as right and love and righteousness is truly just pulling us more and more away from the truth and separating us from our loved ones, and possibly our own humanity. Grrrr, I read way to deep into everything I read so if I got it wrong, it's cool. Ha ha. And the rhyme was sublime (hehe). Personally I like loose rhyme over exact anyways.
-Nick
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Well my username is an invitation to readers of my poetry to derive their own ideas and stuff, so you can't be wrong
I like a mix of both I think. I hate it when people tell me that something isn't a rhyme
Thank you very much
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Fantastic rhyming! The only bit I would change is in the penultimate stanza I think "beyond all repair" scans better than "all beyond repair". But this of course just a personal thing! I loved the metaphor you have employed throughout the poem and the rhyme was tight without being contrived. Congratulations!
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Yes, I think I agree
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Snap.
This is my favorite thing I've read from you in a while.
The pairing of "pundits and punters" was a stroke of brilliance. Not only did this move along the all-encompassing "life as a stage" theme very effectively, but it sounds and looks great.
The second stanza is perfection. Great flow, poignancy in spades, and superb use of alliteration on the accent syllables. That "puh" sound does wonders to drive a point across, dunnit?
"To love and be loved" reminded me of the Bohemian mantra in Moulin Rouge, and what a wonderful reference in this context.
"To stoke up the fire, till embers remained,
As love hearts and doting transformed to disdain."
I don't know what to say about those lines, they just really struck me!
"If life is a stage than ours is laid bare,
With the cracks in the floorboards beyond repair,"
I think you want "then" instead of "than" there. Also, I would consider using "left in disrepair" so there isn't a lag at the end of that line, but I do like the alliteration of boards and beyond. Both work in different ways.
"Lighting diminished and props strewn across
A show that replaced any substance with gloss;"
I really liked that rhyme. Gloss is a seductive word. It does what it means to. Not that this poem needs any additional pollish - though it certainly doesn't hurt!
Man... this is good.
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*giggles like a schoolgirl*
Thanks ^-^ -
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you said you couldn't relate!
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NO YOU CAN'T RELATE!!!! mwuahahahaha
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O.o
what's the temperature of your head?
I think you're coming up with a fever, lol. -
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It ain't a fever, I'm just that hot.
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in
your
dreams.
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Mine and everyone else's!!!! mwuahahahaha
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psht.
stop deluding yourself
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Don't sweat all over my page! Eww
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.... NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I don't understand either your comment on this poem or the comment on my other poem!!!
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lol, then what do you understand?
You said yu couldn't relate to dresses and now you're being all girl like. And the other one is about you-know-who
and I dont mean Harry Potter -
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Ohhh
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Very well done, you should be proud.
I guess we can all say that our life is a stage sometimes.
We all play apart, it seems.
Some has happy ending and some have sad.
Nevertheless we all have a story to tell.
I love the flow and the story you told here.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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fuck easy. I love this. But I will point out flow eccentric-ness.
"The pain wasn’t acting; it was always too real,
We were just puppets who learnt how to feel."
- Damn I love that. I love anyone who can put 'puppets' in a poem so effectively.
"To stoke up the fire, till just embers remained,"
- You have too many 'justs' all over the place. It can be some really obvious filler if it wants to. And in this line, I think it'll also flow better without it.
"As sense-of-self grew it crushed all our bones,"
- 'as' after 'grew'
"As pundits and punters both alike say;"
- sorry, I'm jumping all over the place with reads and re-reads. If I read it in one go, there are flow problems. If I stop, and read each stanza on its own - there are no problems.
Anyway, with this, I'd put 'will' after 'alike'. It might be accent difference - i don't know.
damn you. I didn't even do my rhyme yet.
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I have too many "as"s and "our"s all over the place too =/ *grumbles*
And that last one you point out doesn't work for me lol.
We work differently flow-wise haha
Glad you liked it though
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lol, that might be a permanant disagreement
But I'm glad you're writing the rhyme. Although I love your free verse, it just doesn't beat your rhyme. -
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Yes, yes I think it might...
I'm glad too, though no doubt I'm just gonna fall back into random free verse obscurity again.
Thanks for your encouragement, it means a lot
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