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My Love

I look at you with tears in my eyes
Every time  your by my side
you leave me

You'll be with me every chance you get
but I want all of you
I'm ready to be your wife

My heart breaks
every time you leave
I never wanted you to go

I'm ready for the commitment
but your not
We belong together

you say we're too young
but I know we're not
Love is never too young

So I'll see you
I'll wait for you
hopefully

Author notes

option 2

A contest entry

If i stink don't be afraid to tell me.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Symphony
    January 7

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    This was a very loving poem; I'm interested to know what was the quote that inspired it? If you can remember ...

    But yeah, no, while it wasn't passionate, it had a very sort of 'loyal' feeling to it, as though you had found your one soulmate ; that one person who's like [i]meant[/i] for you in this life, and were trying to keep it together with them - very nicely managed too!

    My one tiny correction is all the "your" words which should be "you're" but that's it! Thanks for entering, and supporting the contest


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    November 15, 2008

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    This is a sweet poem in a way. I say wait for the person. If it is meant to be it will happen. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest

  • crosscountry07
    November 2, 2008

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    Second line "every time your by my side" should be You're. Same with the second line in the fourth stanza. Other than that good job. Good luck in all your other contests as well as mine! -Liz


  • Manish
    November 2, 2008

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    Great expression of pain. And I like the hope. I like the part where you wrote you're ready for the commitment but he's not, and that you belong together. I mean with the contrast in characters how would two people belong together? That's poetic I guess


  • mcw120588
    October 31, 2008

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    the desperate longing and sense of hope rings out here. straightforward with raw emotion. well written and powerfully constructed.

  • piccola silver member
    October 30, 2008

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    Sad, emotional write. The only critique I have is that you're using the wrong choice of your, you're in line 11; it should be you're the contraction for you are


  • AlittleWrong
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    great

    poems are always best when its wraught with emotion. GREAT


  • Room without doors gold member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    It can be difficult when the person you love doesn't see things the same way you do. Maybe they need more time- a lot of people are scared of commitment these days and when you're young it can be hard to take on responsibility. I thought this was well-written and emotional. You expressed your feelings very well and the language was well-chosen. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Hannie
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very awesome poem...thanks heaps for entering and good luck


  • Painted Nails
    October 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done! Very emotional. Good word choice and everything seems to just flow


  • Panicked-Puppet-xXx
    October 28, 2008

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    This is a beautiful poem, you have 2 errors, you'r should be you're or you are. Otherwise I absolutely love this poem. Great write. Thankyou for sharing...


  • hardluck
    October 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This is great write,


  • DemonMaster
    October 28, 2008
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    its very sweet. the way you say you will wait for him is so tuching


  • DemonicChanel420
    October 28, 2008

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    This has good flow and is very well written, this is very true, love is never too young. Best of luck in the contest!

  • jadeangyal
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The first stanza is my favorite. I also like the third. As for the rest, it is a great poem, but it doesn't really deal with the same subject matter as the prompt. I see you have used it for several contests, though. My only complaint is the use of "your" instead of "you're" ( lines 2, 11), but it won't affect my judging. Thanks for entering.


  • BleedingBlackTears
    October 28, 2008

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    i love it its exactly whats been happening to me with this person it hurts well done u hurt me good luck


  • Missa
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i havent read it yet. but you need to put the option in your authors notes. if it isnt there by tommorrow i will DQ you. if you are having problems putting it in the authors notes contact me.

1 - 18 of 18