What if they killed everyone
rather
than just the ones
they told you
came to steal the children
in the night,
and then he said,
each thief must earn his place at the table.
He said it twice
so it must have been important,
...even more of the drab matter
between worlds
as he was held
by another illicit lover
or how faces coalesce
when under siege;
he knew they had some left
she just hadn’t told him
how much.
The city kept exploding like a flashbulb.
Author notes
1st part of Sorrowful Beings.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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the last line is completely and utterly on fire. until i got to it, i noticed a few well worded parts, but the last line is a home run. i'm really intrigued by your writing, and will be reading more. you don't have to read any of mine, but i'd be interested to see what you think. i think we have a similar thought process as writers.
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I want to say a last supper but i keep stopping at the 'steal children' line and know it's not as biblical as you want us to believe but more an insight into how perception is drawn from an eye to a canvas and makes its own story relevant to how we feel. Maybe you don't want us to learn exactly what is human and what is sorrowful, death or the mere existence of life itself.
C
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too Biblical to be that stripped or striped
because flash bulbs explode when air disturbs the void inside
however forgiveness is divine but so are meteorites
and if perfection wasn't paid in martyrs it wouldn't be at all
so what is mistake when everyone's a tief?
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I've read this about 15 times.
One of the keys for this Reader to be able to *enter* the poem has been reading it at a very slow pace. Your sentence structure feels strange/strained here - the first few times I read it I was sure there was something wrong with your first stanza -- but after several reads really utilizing your line breaks the experience - the picture this poem is came into view for me.
Honestly, I had the same first reaction to the thief earning his place at the table/ he said it twice -- Biblical in nature I thought -- Peter hearing the cock crow three times, Judas a sort of thief sitting at the table, Interesting how what we *know* creeps in when we read a poem that provides plenty of interpretation.
Anyway, this is Part 1 so there must be angels and their must be humans and that space between the two types of beings sharing the universe.
I'm not sure who he is and who she is -- if not just everyman/everywoman and I don't know "what is left" --
but but but but that last line is just enviable.
It is, as Ariosto says, pregnant. Why is the city exploding - there are so many possibilities. I am thinking of -- nuclear bombs, sadly.
I still think these are just small parts of a bigger poem -- so I shall wait for more.
Lisa
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God I love your ambiguity!
'each thief must earn his place at the table.
He said it twice
so it must have been important,'
A last supper? Nah too obvious for you to use that analogy,
a political figure perhaps or just a learned scribe who sees the world through worn fingertips that paint with words.
You could take it anyway and not ever be wrong.
Of course me am human and often wrong so scratch that above thought!
C
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I remember flashbulbs
odd things weren't they?
This poem is pregnant
with possibilities
I like this one Lute
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Revise why!
this is awesome! the type of poetry i like to read, which is why i added u to my favs lol. this sounds almost like a Bible story. i wonder what brought this about? the ending is perfect for this.
"each thief must earn his place at the table.
He said it twice
so it must have been important,"
that line made me feel as though i was there watching and hearing all of this. again this is the type of poetry that i love. story type, that doesnt cross the line between poem and short story. i am diggin your scribes my friend
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