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--virus

i have no where
to bear my pain
no way to stop
the scars from spreading

to dry the tears
and stop their running...

aimless puddles soaked
muddy and broke--
lonely, hiding and afraid
longing to be saved.

Please tell me what you think or not?

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • JazzALTernative silver member
    October 28, 2008
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    Form is excellent - feeling, action, then place, lonely as it is.


  • hawkeslake gold member
    October 28, 2008

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    Such deep pain and so well-expressed. We've all been in a place like this at one time or another... thank you for sharing.


  • myrataal silver member
    October 28, 2008

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    You write the raw ..

    running its rungs in the gossamer cloth of the soul. And ever the healing comes in picking up the stitches with loving care.
    Let me help doing it for you, my beloved friend.

    Love
    Myra


  • LionessK gold member
    October 27, 2008

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    You amaze me yet again...
    so real are your words and descriptions. so vivid.
    I wonder, have you been reading my recent thoughts..


  • Rya
    October 27, 2008

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    remarkable

    many a time i have written something like this...wanting desperately not to feel that way or someone to tell me i was going to be alright...it's a
    wonderful piece...very powerful...i shed a tear...


  • Rachel Kruger
    October 27, 2008

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    Very emotional piece. The last stanza is excellent! It flows and bounces off nicely with deep emotion - an excellent word choice that flows nicely.


  • Ligeia
    October 27, 2008

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    This is short and not so sweet, it's very emotional though.
    I liked it.
    I love the way you ended it:
    'longing to be saved'

    You're a wonderful writer, keep up the good work.

1 - 7 of 7