Pushes me in the dark,
Tosses me into the cold,
Blackens my every beings,
Drains my entire soul,
Shoves me to anger,
Forces me to hate,
Lifts me into denial,
Weakens my spirits,
Releases my tears,
Shows my hurt,
Bruises my ego,
Tempts my fears,
Breaks me down,
Tears at my insides,
Rips at my heart,
Injures my entire body.
That is what your silence does to me.
Author notes
The feeling of being ignored is almost embarrable.
My guy friend stopped talking to me for a month and a half and i was devastated and this is what i felt like. Worse!
Now he is back talking to me but it just isn't the same as it once was, guess i have to work on it again, build it back up.
that's what you get when you let your heart win"
In a list
- Sad/Depressed Poems • next in list
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- Honorable Trophy winners • next in list
A contest entry
- Emotions by cheeku.
400 points, ended December 5, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for woman only by Mrs. C..
500 points, ended December 17, 2008, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Promised Forever by Megan Awesome.
750 points, ended January 18, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please don't walk away by Reanna Eryn.
400 points, ended April 17, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I don't really know. Tell me what you think?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I felt you could have gone outside the box more and elaborated on what you were trying to get across, instead of using so much repitition. Nonetheless, I liked the raw emotions and blunt honesty of this. Thanks for entering
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Oh wow I really like this. It's deffinately true, those are the feelings of hurt and deception. I thought it was a little simple, but you did it really well. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
i couldn't tell whether this was freewritten or not. there was some semblence of rhyme and lyrical structure. But it was hard to pick out... bad things aside.
The words you used in this were simple, which is what i like, the simple words are 'the' most effective when they're used right. which you've seemed to master! bravo, and i hope to see/ read an encore in the near future.
but on a personal note, 95% of guys are assholes. It should be expected from now on in my mind of thinking. But yea, i hope things are cool for you now. ^_^
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wow. thats very powerful, so simple but says so much. your emotions just sream from the page. thank you so much for entering.
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Outstanding!! Your emotions are very strong! This is very wonderfully done, thank you so much for entering!
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This may just be me, but I'm anti-social severly, and this poem so spoke to me. I talk to my boyfriend, and my cousin only, and when they ignore me, its. . . painful. Theyre the only ones who talk to me and don't call me an outcast or freak. Great write though!!!
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Sorry- That comment doesn't sound how I meant it to lol. . I basically meant it has power in empathy.
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I like it. You've conveyed a lot of raw emotion. . you know when something is so intense, you kind of . . . almost ironically laugh, well not quite. . I suppose it's more towards holding your breath -It is. I'm not making much sense, am I? Well, I'm not calling it black comedy. . but looking back on times of unbearable emotion, I find, can be funny.
Effective. -
I really understand what you mean. .. some say silence is a virtue...to others its like death...if you understand what i mean.
amazing job..my fav. part was..
Releases my tears,
Shows my hurt,
Bruises my ego,
Tempts my fears,
i can almost feel your hurt...wow
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unless you are anti-social. then being ignored is like a gift.
Third line, i take it you mean being instead of beings. I mean unless you carry around your own personal entourage of aliens and such.
I like the title, but i dont like the repetition at the end of each stanza..
i think if you leave the title as it is, and the last stanza with "this is what your silence does to me" it would make the whole poem flow better.
just my opinion.
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Thanks for commenting,
And let me start by saying i am anti-social, VERY!
And the person who is doing the ignoring ,well he was like my best friend and now we're not on speaking terms, so therefore this silent treatment just does my head in.
And i think you are right about the repetition of the "this is what your silence does to me"
I think i will just add it too the end and leave it there.
Thanks again.
-Mandi
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