I am silent and ambiguous
so that you don't even suspect
the secrets I'm holding
like little crystals of light
inside of me
but I hold them tightly
fists balled so that
my fingers hurt
and turn white
so that you cannot take
my joy and my love
and my pain as well
these little lights self-multiply
until they boil
like a hundred restless jumping beans
in my stomach
rampant and lacking tempo
insistent on letting themselves out
but I have gathered strength
as I so call it
and I take pills to keep them silent
rubbing my skin with coldness
and soothing the scar of our disconnection
oh look at how far we have come
we can't go back any longer
and I just can't let you in
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