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Old Man

Pencil's arthritis,

fruitless tennis elbow.

Nurse without uniform

rejected.

 

Finally, a poem

like a grumbling, old man

plagued by a septic generation

gap in one mind. 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Desdmona
    March 27

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    "Pencil's arthritis" is a great start and your diction is wonderful. I like the underlying metaphors and similies. Well done. Good job and good luck. ~Des


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    December 6, 2008

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    I think you've summed this one up quite well in your final stanza. I think you could easily expand this one though; to actually encompass a deeper meaning than what it appears on the surface. Nice piece.

  • goalsv
    October 30, 2008

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    Well done, a good form to get a point across using the muse of writting. Loved the metephoric look you gave it.