we were
parts of tropical ends
of the world-
you came
like a chocolatewhite gull
pouncing
over cliff-ridges:
those stood like
incisors
of seagreen
water
that dressed the world
like our wrap
around hands and legs -
when you said
“dear night
I can’t stay”
and I countered
“dear light
don’t go yet”.
once you
put tulip in my hair
and I became dandelion
in autumn
our tiny shack
looked like distant mushroom
engulfed
by a gulf
of obstacles
(I am sure you kept
a hybrid race; a religion; two countries
in mind)
slowly
we started to talk
in parables
of tiny animals:
monkeys and talking frogs;
humans smaller than fingers.
(yet
secretly)
we dug deep into
puddles of paint the-next-mornings
to draw
our house:
a tiny shack
like a mushroom.
Author notes
i don't miss you anymore. it's just a shot.
A contest entry
- Enter Sandman - a suzi & jan contest by jantastic.
3500 points, ended November 7, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
you can comment. critique. leave behind whatever you will like to say,
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I'm somewhat at a loss for words really. Some excellent and unique imagery in this chocolatewhite gull... the tulip in the hair and becoming a dandelion, those are just a couple. Dear light don't go yet...
well done... thank you
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....loves the way you use a single animal and create a world from it.
thanks for entering
and good luck..
you
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God, this just speaks of so much pain in it, yet has the sweet thoughts of chocolate gulls, sort of keeping the best parts of a lost relationship, probably the best way to look at it too. Beautiful writing here.
MM
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you are so creative!
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there is a little tempering going on with the creativity
where have you been?
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got lost in the woods. followed the wordtrail back
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glad that you found your back!
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This is a damn fine shot, those dreams we have I think are almost like a beginning from the close of a chapter. It's as if the book doesn't end but just becomes lighter somehow and we wake up and can't remember his face. It's a good thing. C
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i don't remember how looked like exactly anymore... so it's more like a dream i guess. thanks for reading.
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That's how dreams go hun, they eventually leave us with only the parts that meant anything
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OH MY FUCKING jesus.
Unbelievably good.
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thanks
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I think you may still miss them.
I really like this, I love the parts in quotes so much - its tangible, its relatable and its just perfect.
Excellent, as always.
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hmm... actually i don't
i am just eh about it...
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oh oh oh oh oh!! lovelove
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