if only for a moment,
i thought we could keep going,
if i thought that you still loved me,
i wouldn't be here tonight,
i wouldn't have this bullet,
i wouldn't have this gun.
but now that you don't love me,
things are coming undone.
if we had just been friends,
if i hadn't let you lead me in,
if you hadn't made me fall so quickly,
it wouldn't have come to this end.
it's never getting better,
loves end, so very bitter,
every word you spoke a lie,
now i'm waiting here to die,
please remember i'll always love you.
even if you love her.
i hope you're happy now.
now i lay me down to sleep,
my suicide note is yours to keep.
i hope you read it every day,
and remember now that i'm gone away,
no matter what, i will love you always.
Author notes
if only love didn't leave pain in its absence,
- Suicide group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Hit me down!!! by BleedingBlackTears.
460 points, ended October 29, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heartbreak Hotel by neenz.
900 points, ended November 10, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honest oppinions please and thank you.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Full of everything a poem like this needs.
Amasing. -
this is a great poem,,, its very heartfelt and very true,,, great work
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this is a work of art. it's more better than my poems . oh an thank you for checking my profile
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wow. thats how i feel right now with all this crap going on...amazing write
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WOW
it's so true. it really relates to the pain of losing someone. i've lost nearly everyone so i should know. wow
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wow, what an amazing write, i love the last few lines..now i lay me down to sleep, my suicide note is yours to keep.awsome!!
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wow, very intense. these are great lines:
"now i lay me down to sleep,
my suicide note is yours to keep."
Thank you for the entry.
-N -
heart breakingly wonderful
I hope your not planning this or i will find out who you are and where you live i will travel by any means possible to find you and i wont let you leave my site till i know your safe. no joke. i love what you wrote its my favourite so far. touching and honest. much of what i feel myself...i have my own "future" planned out. but now is not the time and what may be right for me is very likely to be wrong for you. if i think your serious i will stop at nothing to save you. i hope the guy that made you feel this way and fall so far rots in hell, but i guess you wouldn't want that because when you love someone it doesnt matter what they do you love them just the same. you brought a tear to my eye and let it roll down my cheek. well done. if you need to tlk you may have my number or anything. im always ready to talk if you need me i have enough trouble keeping myself alive so i know how hard it is. never forget that if you matter to no one else you will always be a someone to me. honestly.
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Well, I speak the truth when returning comments and I make sure I get just about everything. Now the truth: He probably would not care if you died. I am sure he would have some sorrow but life goes on and thus you would be another tombstone and a death for a cause not worthy of. Throughout life you must experience this pain. It is the sad part of being human: hurting. Living well is the best revenge. That is what they say, and I honestly do not know if I really believe it but in this instance it is all you can do. Get over him and show him, the world, yourself, that you can carry on. I have tried to kill myself several times. You would think I could get it right, but I beleive some force is keeping me from dieing. This same force has a plan for you and it maybe to meet a different guy. Who knows?
Now as far as your poem goes: It is well written and filled with emotion. I think you should have a solid rhyming pattern. I think if you are going to have two lines rhyme then the others should follow suite. Nevertheless, it is a powerful poem and I hope it helped get out some of your emotions. I also hope you are not using the poem as a weapon to get back at him. It would not work. People are selfish egotistical assholes and he sounds like one you must pass on the sidewalk of life. Keep writing. I enjoyed it. -
erm......disturbingly powerful
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