Remember when you felt like all hope was gone
And you could not see your way through
The Lord stepped in right on time and open new doors for you
Remember when your heart was heavy and you carried all of your burdens on your back
When you felt you could carry no more, God came along and picked up your slack
Remember when you felt all alone and your friends was few :
When there was no one there to listening to your cries
God wrapped you in his great big arms and dried your weeping eyes
Remember when Jesus died on the cross to wash away our sins
With ourstreight arms upon the cross He was welcoming us all to enter in
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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great piece thanks a million for sharing
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I love the subject of the poem as I have been there! That being said i have a few things that i noticed....line 3 open should be opened or opens...line 5 i agree with the other opinions you should try another word maybe kept you on track? i don't know try a rhyming dictionary but it could defintely be improved....line 6 was would be better were...line 7 either take out the first to or changing listening to listen...last line ourstreight probably better as outstreched. Hope this all helps keep up the good work
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Wow...just was coasting through ....and Thank you....this is so uplifting...beautiful write just amazing...I actually feel better after reading your words
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Such an uplifting and spiritual write. This delivers a powerful message. Thank you for sharing.
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Outstanding
I liked the spiritual message of this poem. We often forget that God is there when we are down and sees us through the hard times. Each stanza of this poem showed a different way in which God loves us. This poem has great flow and the rhyme was strong too -it didn't detract from the poem and added to the over all effect. Thank you for posting.
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Interesting
Good work. An interesting poem on god and helping you. I agree with marmac, rhyming slack and back is not super effective and almost is a cliche of religous poetry. Iwould love to see a lightly different choice of language. But great work, a joy to read. Good job and best of luck in your writing future.
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I thought some of your lines were good, pretty expressive, but found it hard to get around the cliches being expressed here. I feel like I've read these lines before. And I've heard this idea before, of Jesus helping people when they need it. I think there's quite a famous poem based on this idea and am not sure that your poem here is original enough to get around that comparison. I also thought you could have used more creative rhyming in this poem. It doesn't seem like rhyming "slack" with "back" really portrays the devotion I feel you're trying to express. Have you considered editing this to include older types of langugage, perhaps drawing from the Bible, etc, for different forms, more direct to your beliefs, of expression?
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AN EXELLENT POEM
YOU WRITE WELL
LOVE
APARNA
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Thanks for your review, and encouragement
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