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I Will

I will shake and wither,
like a flower in the wind.

I will crumble,
like a clump of dirt in a hand.

I will break,
like a vase falling from it's place.

I will cry,
like a cloud emptying it's bowels.

Author notes

[EDIT FOR CONTEST:] Meh, I'm not sure if THIS is what you're looking for... But, I though I would try.


Short, short, short. Lots of similies. Leave me be with my boredom and depression. My eyes hurt... I need new glasses to boot.

I think I almost cried during an episode of Ranma 1/2... Not surprising, though. I've cried during Katie MacAlister's books, a book by Kresley Cole, a Harry Potter fanfiction, and an episode of The Simpsons before.

I want to write a poem that makes people cry from sadness and not anger. If I can write a story like so, then I must be able to write a poem, right? (The story is "Sewn Shut". It's Gravitation...)


Comment?




My Musical Muses: "Loaded Gun" by Saving Abel. "Kickapoo" by Tenacious D. "Nails for Breakfast Tacks for Snacks" by Panic at the Disco. "Passion" by All That Remains.

A contest entry

Please, be as honest as you can when commenting, but don't flame me.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • BabyDut
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    good write

    the background makes it hard to read, but its good, short, when i see the word bowles I don't think of something the is liquid, if you know what I mean. but its a short and sweet poem, good luck in the contest


  • Griswold silver member
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Short, sweet, similies = poem. Well done and best of luck to you in this contest. My old eyes did have a hard time with the BG and font color combo though... Scott


  • Danna Hobart
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is what I am looking for I won't be judging it right away, so you can add more if you like.

    I don't know how old you are, but maybe you are too young to wrote a poem that makes people cry. I know I could not have done it when I was in my teens and twenties because I just did not have the life experience to draw from. Some people, who have lived exceptionally tragic lives can do it from a young age. Other people must wait for life to deal them some blows (and it will). just remember to write what you know.