The Stars of a night
in Vietnam are
crystallised
in time, forever.
Memories echo
with the sight
of bloodshot comrades,
who have seen
too much.
The neon search lights
of whirring helicopters,
try to find the fallen.
Survivors are scarred
by the horrors of a nightmare,
they can't wake up from
Years later,
golden moonlight is the catalyst
to remember the failed missions.
The shuffle of feet
as broken men returning to camp,
unlucky enough to remember.
Survivors
still carrying their burdens
are driven to the bottle
of alcholic gems
Savoring
each drop
of memory stealing liquid-
still trying to wake up
Author notes
amathrine lover-
I'm Writing0Freedom
A contest entry
- 24 hours/ Three prompts by Hello...No.One.Home.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
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700 points, ended January 18, 65 entries
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700 points, ended February 7, 36 entries
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800 points, ended January 27, 124 entries
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1000 points, ended January 24, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mm'kay. It's Free-verse Time :] by Sunkissed xo.
400 points, ended February 19, 68 entries
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550 points, ended February 13, 59 entries
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700 points, ended February 28, 52 entries
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1300 points, ended March 9, 146 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round contest number one (prewrite) by serenity silvermoon.
510 points, ended September 25, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Vietnam War by Sky Prince Ireland.
1000 points, ended June 18, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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great
Wow this is really something. I enjoyed this.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Brian -
Wow, thats amazing
its written beautifully and i love the idea of the poem, if war doesnt get you, alcoholism will
the only thing i would change is the background, it doesnt seem to fit the poem
thanks for entering -
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I fixed the background
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This was so beautiful and touching. I loved this. This poem was very powerful and had great imagery. Thank you for sharing this poem with me and entering my contest. My grandpa fought in vietnam, so i could relate to the stories he's told me about the war. Thanks again for sharing it. I really enjoyed reading your poem.
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Wow..
This is very powerful and poignant. You capture the scene well. Thanks for your entry.
Good luck in the contest
♥ -
yes.
the imagery in this is beautiful.
the only things I would suggest are:
a ) not capitalizing every line
b ) using longer lines/stanzas so the flow doesn't feel so interrupted
c ) fix up your punctuation. sometimes there are unnecessary commas, and sometimes there is not enough.
thanks for entering
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yes
This reminded me of a man that I know and often read poetry with, he's a dipsomaniac and fought in Vietnam, so this has some sentimental value with me.
Critically though, I think this needs grammar and a spell check. More than just one comma, it tends to run on and jumble throughout the thing. So I think maybe putting more line breaks in or adding grammar would help to ease up the flow. For example:
"The Stars of a night in Vietnam are crystallized in time forever"
could be:
The stars of a night
in Vietnam are
crystallized
in time, forever.
Does that make sense? Also, not every line needs to start with a capital, in my opinion.
That said though, this is great.
Please wait for the other judge to comment.
♣ Tegan
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Am I allowed to edit after you've commented or no?
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Like this
I like this. It's powerful.
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weird but powerful, even though i cannot relate specifically the poem kinda comanded a certain attention, thank you for entering i will take a second look at this
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Oh my goodness - the ending of that ... 'still trying to wake up' - that was so vivid for me, I didn't expect it to be, but it hit me like a slap in the face - it's so easy for us 'normal' people to forget the terrors that soldiers go through - and even easier to forget that they still think of them long after the war is done! wonderful write!
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they say that was war, Before that we hadn't really experienced, this poem expresses that, in a strong creative manner,keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Yes, memories live forever. I am blessed
for I got off the bottle. I am on meds that help--Government Issue-VA.
LZ Bronco 67-68
Now a Veterans' Service Officer fo my
County. It helps to help--like pulling buddies on to the chopper going out.
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The deep and painful impact of PTSD hate it and suffer from it but not for the Vietnam war
This was greatly written with meaning truth and depth it was sad and deeply heartfelt, well done!!
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Thank you I'm glad you liked it- and I"m sorry you suffer from it! I never have but even though I personally think that war took to many lives from good people and devastated our country I honor those who fought in it because they did serve their country.
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You and I have a very similar view of these things. Very nice write with painfully true imagery.
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very good, and its all true.... It helps open everyone's eyes. i like it alot.
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I"m glad you liked it.
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Very well written
for someone so young. It shows a depth of understanding that many of my peers lack still today. I beg to differ on one point; we don't all drink today because of our experiences but you are correct to say we have never forgotten them.
Jim
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I didn't mean to imply you all do- just that I'm sure its easy to turn to drinking- I do know what its like to want to numb pain and to use sometimes un healthy and not smart ways to do it- ways that damage you in the long wrong emotionally or physically- so I just imagine with those type of horrors to remember there would be a lot of pain to numb.
If you are a veteran, I'm sorry if you still suffer from pain from this- all of you who fought in that war served our country and should be honored and taken care of.
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this is a sad reality and you wrote it from your heart
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It is a sad reality.
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I wrote a piece about post traumatic stress triggered by the smell of the dirt, trying to plant some flowers. If you like, I'll link it for you.
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Yes please- I'd love to read it.
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I feel you, bro
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I"m a girl- and thank goodness I've never lived through a war or known anyone who fought in this war though my dad was a reserve- I do know what its like to have pain that is really difficult to live with and memories you can't ever let go of.
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one word...excellent
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Thanks!
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Great poem
Ii can see why this is in the Spotlight!
Salute to all who served there!
John
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I"m glad you liked it!
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Absolutely incredible!!! So well written!! I would have given you gold for this write!!!! You truly did a marvelous job!!! All your words and lines are wonderful!!!
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Thank you!
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Such a wonderful write... so very true and moving.
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Reflections and Memories !
Visions of a time when many individuals made the supreme sacrifice for a cause they felt was just and worthy,only to returnto their homeland where ignorance and hatred greeded them.Many that suffered through this war still carry their scares ;physical and mentally.God bless them all. Your write is a tribute to reality back then.
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I just felt despite anyones personal beliefs about that war- I don't think it should have happened and think that many good people lost their lives and shouldn't have had too- that they should be honored and their sacrifices remembered.
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Wow. I can relate to this. Very much. The world needs to wake up. We need to wake up.
Great write!
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Thanks!
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A powerful description of the horrors of war and a timely reminder that war is brutal and desperate, never glamorous or heroic.
Regards,
Bill
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War is full of grief and sadness and even winning means a loss of life and many people whose loved ones paid the price to win.
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shesh... that was a wake-up call.
Its awazing how often some people forget how much those war heros have lost or gained while they were away fighting for the rest of us.
I wonderful write and I wish you all the best in the contest. -
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I'm glad I touched someone with my writing- I'm glad you liked it!
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