Party life
What a life, I find my self surrounded by neon.
Nothing to see, but stars.
passing out in the mid of night.
There was gold in the bottle.
As time went by, I hear echoes
To take another bloody shot.
A sickness my heart says,
But my mind is crystallized.
I’m no longer a gem.
Author notes
Prompt three;
Word bank (and yes you have to use all of them)
~crystallise
~time
~blood shot
~bottle
~gem
~star
~golden
~night
~neon
~echo
A contest entry
- 24 hours/ Three prompts by Never.Give.Up.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I really enjoyed reasding this, it had a musioc beat laying in the background as you read it.
Just two small things, in the line:
As time went by, I here echoes
I think the word is meant to be "hear" not "here"
and on the line:
Take another bloody shot.
I think you could add a "To" before the lin to get it to flow a bit more.
But other then that I really enjoyed reading this.
I wish you all the best in the contest. -
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thnx
good luck with juging the contest
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