As fate is prolonged
Anxious pain consumes me
Crushing my veins, My heart beats faster
Every pulse a new flow of agony
I know this is for the best
But that does not lessen
The tearing, ripping, crushing inside of me
And it won't lessen it for you either
Different scenarios
flashing through my mind, none consoling
Knowing I deserve everything you'll dish out
Hoping you spit venom, Counting on the killing strikes
I deserve no less
Wishing the poison would take my life
Not just infect my heart,
Where the tongues of fire touch
Leaving decay like some disease
Rotting me from the inside out
'till I'm some hollow shell,
the only thing burning in my eyes
flames from hell, all desires sucked in an inescapable void
Emotion scarce, stomped out by self hate
A crushing pain, so this was fate?
How much time will compensate? Where'd I go?
I did this for our best interests, did this for our happiness in the end
Author notes
This is How I was feeling right before and as I was breaking up with my 1st love
A contest entry
- Give me your break-up poems by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended January 5, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Wow
WHoaa this is great!
I l-l-l-lovee it!
You are such a talented writer.
I love the captivating sequence in this.
Different scenarios
flashing through my mind, none consoling
Knowing I deserve everything you'll dish out
Hoping you spit venom, Counting on the killing strikes
that was my faverite part, I am not so sure why
maybe because i feel this way alot,
but i can surely relate to this poem.
especially this part.
(:
great write, hun!
-
Wow a lot of emotions in this one. Emotions that have you in self doubt. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering this into my contest.
-
i loved the idea behind this, it was original, it was worded fantastically, it flowed well and was overall a great poem
-
There are some interesting concepts and ideas here and except for the odd area requiring amendments on the punctuation, I would say that it is generally well penned.
-
This was amazing. You wrote it so well, and it was very origional. You're imagery was superb! This really was an amazing write. I could picture everthing very clearly, including your minimal sense of self-worth and your feelings of blame you placed upon yourself. The first line really pulled me in and the last line summed it up completely. Great write
-
Clap/Clap/Clap
A round of applause for a poem well inked and full of emotion.You have done a great job on this poem...Thanks for sharing...Shalom
-
Wowoa!!
well..d emotions r painfully potrayed....!! i lov d flow...though wud hav loved it mroe..if d same were a bit more rhymthetic!
i cud actually sense d scene in frnt of my eyes!!..!
in d end...well done...and keep writing.!!
-
Girl i'm an old man. But i do remember, as a teen the world goes so slow toward your dreams and goals. And the most important thing in life is LOVE. And youd do anything to keep it.
Ask so many women that did think that way and ended up with no one but a baby. And later on when they should be out having fun and going places they are home because a baby is 24/7 and it eats and needs changing etc.
Thinking ahead for a teen is a hard thing to do.
Ask your mom. She will talk will talk to you.
And let me say this. The wording in your poem is great, you will be a good writer. Keep up the good work. Please excuse me if i got the wrong thing out of your poem. But if i'm right, please get help from your mom, and talk to God.
-
I found one mispelling >all disires>desires
This is a real gut wrenching, beat me up and hope I die, anything to escape this agony I feel for doing this horible deed.
I hate seeing someone suffer so. Instead of getting down on your knees to have this poem read, do so to ask God for His forgiveness, so you can feel peace again. Also remember this you can't buy true happiness. When purchased it expires like anything you buy. I hope all works out. If this was written by your muse you sure fooled me. It feels so real. Rose
-
now i understand what u were talking about,
I love the poem though=]
take care -
too cool!!!
"Anxious pain consumes me
Crushing my veins, My heart beats faster
Every pulse a new flow of agony" WOW that is fantastic!!!! I love this. It is very powerful, concise & descriptive!!! This is the kind of thing I hear in songs that makes me wish I could write like that! Sometimes I manage, but often fall short. This is perfect! If you continue this poem I'm sure it will be great! It even kind of has enough to stand alone as it is if you don't.
-
i like what you have right now, i can't wait to see how it ends.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
