Sunflower

needles in my spine
infecting me with drops of ink
seeping down into the dermis of my skin
oh the passion of it all,
pat, pat, wipe, wipe
excess ink on a paper towel
and a perfessional asking me questions
asking me, why is this important to me
and I feel like I've answered this question so many times...
I'm fine, I'm fine...
here we draw the line in the sand
its more than remembering someone
its being in love with those memories
and a second of pain makes me think,
I don't need someone here to hold me hand
to confort me or refuse my plan
its my life, its my choice
Its time I face that
I breathe in deep
and let it out slow
thirty more minutes to go
and I, I feel insecure
more so than that boy I used to know
that boy who used to be so kind
the boy I long to find again...
I begin to talk about school and why I am here
I don't really know why I am here
I long to be 2000 miles in the other direction
and life is short and these things shouldn't matter
but they do
they will always matter
pat, pat, wipe, wipe
its the only thing that makes me cringe
when the excess ink is being wiped away, I can't stand that pain
I can't tolorate those moments
I forget those memories
and to think, the only guys I've ever loved
I am not meant to see ever again
I can't, I won't, this is for them
I'm letting go, I'm letting go
three more petals three more stories
the artist, the professional,
telling me I'm doing good,
I've done alot in my life and I should be proud
I've been though alot in my life and I should be worse than this
should I be worse than this?
am I on the brink of crazy?
I intend to get though this whole process hopefully to be able to leave here
I close my eyes and whisper
what does it take to do this?
and he answers:
"hard work, just like everything else"
yes, I reply still in whipers, but was there a single second of it that you hated
"not a one"
I long for that...
I long to be somewhere that I love
here, 2000 miles in the wrong direction,
I am not in love, I am just working.
and I can't wait to escape,
its set in stone.
set in ink.
two hours, perfection,
peace,
everything I could have ever wanted
sitting on my spine...
I can't wait till it heals
so I can reveal to the world how my heart really feels.