something sinister was boiling
like hazy stew last night in your eyes.
i could have sworn
that you couldn't see me anymore.
but those arms still
clutched me to your chest
like you were breathing
only through my lungs
and i could still feel
your irregular heartbeat
pushing against your sweater
and trying to find mine's steady pounding
to set it right again.
this time, my love,
your heart couldn't find mine
and the butterflies in me
flew through my lips
while i was sleeping
and fluttered away
out the window
and into the cold night.
your words were sweeter than sugar
but honey, yesterday it rained
and those words melted like
snow in august heat.
and i knelt down and cried
over the puddle of your words on the concrete
as you faded into the trees behind me.
i can still hear your beautiful
irregular heartbeat
echoing through the woods to me.
A contest entry
- something to believe in. by aanika.
1000 points, ended November 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites, come and get them by Ryno.
638 points, ended November 24, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i could have sworn
that you couldn't see me anymore.
but those arms still
clutched me to your chest
like you were breathing
only through my lungs
gorgeous.
your style is certainly different than most writers on this site, but that's a good thing.
this was beautiful.
thank you <3 -
Shocking imagery. Each stanza brought something new to the table through the power of imagery and raw emotion.
This is a great piece to descrive a completely cliche topic; I really loved where you took it, to a different level then I would've expect on a topic like such.
Your linebreaks were also well done along with your fluency, emotion and impact on the reader.
Well penned, for sure
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i liked this alot. it was a different take on being used and left, and i loved the unique angle and poetic devices you used. this was very good.
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feeling it
~prewrites, come and get them -
As I was reading, I tried to figure out which stanza was my favourite so I could tell you about it... but I love so much of it that I'd be pasting over half the poem into the comment. *sheepish look* That's how good you are. But seriously, if I had to pick one part I liked the most, this would be it:
"i could have sworn
that you couldn't see me anymore.
but those arms still
clutched me to your chest
like you were breathing
only through my lungs"
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