october 25, 2008
i am ionically bound
to this place,
my dog growing blind,
my mother growing
ever more tired.
october 27, 2008
today i wrote
a story of you:
splintered breath -
your heart collects on
mine like rust
october 28, 2008
at fifty-one, i
shall die as quiet
as a color.
- thirty-five years. just
thirty-five more damn years.
october 29, 2008
that was my last
recycled knee, you bastard.
come find me. please --
i'm sorry. i am
so, so sorry.
october 30, 2008
poetry. a parasite;
it devours me
like a second skin,
like the scent
of lovemaking hair -
october 31, 2008
like a heron,
your blue-blooming eyes
gulp me whole.
i feel i could
be buried like this.
november 1, 2008
my brother is screaming
in tongues:
how could you leave
me here? - i thought
i was still alive
november 2, 2008
today i hid behind
my fingers.
nobody lives here.
nobody lives here.
Author notes
critique critique critique
In a list
A contest entry
- snippets of you by piggyback.
6000 points, ended November 17, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Aww I actually like this a lot. Especially:
"at fifty-one, i
shall die as quiet
as a color."
&
"lovemaking hair".
Sorry, I have nothing bad to say about this
It's very creative and expressive. Thank you for your entry. 
-
critique critique critique:
real enough to be good
can't find flaws that disturb me
commenting about the format would be simply a matter of test
p.s. 51 or cosmetic surgery
-
More than snippets, they tell of you and your mind, it's brilliant! C
-
"splintered breath -
your heart collects on
mine like rust"
fucking amazing. -
Gosh that third one does it for me, I understand this in a way you may not have meant but still...
excellent, I love your writing. -
I can understand the mother and tired, sometimes it seems that there are just not enough hours in the day.
-
Wow,
you never cease to amaze me, i dont think i shall ever grow tired of reading your words.
No matter how short or how long the writing is, you always pull it off.
Nice job here.
-
me too.
-
god, i must stay updated on this
-
...i think you said it all and more. this is a great entry.
Love, Lane
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