Things on my mind

The things on my mind:

Love; confusion
Like pregnancy
While still a virgin-
Scared?
Scared of confusing love?
Scared of what’s to come
Confused –
Why the arguments
The emotions that have flooded
For forty days,
And forty nights…
I fail to see the rainbow
I fail to see the dove
Because of my own selfishness?
Does needy equal selfishness?
I just need to feel your presence
Sometimes-
When you watch TV
And your eyes are affixed
And your mind completely involved-
Do you get that involved in me?
Maybe I’m selfish-
Like the chosen ones who felt
The creator was uninvolved –
Yet it was their own blindness:
Blind hearts, blind worship,
Leading to their typical destruction-
Not forsaken, pure selfishness.
Have I not noticed?
The way you look at me,
Your angel, your one true love?
Or have you even looked at me like that lately?

Scared and confused.
That’s what’s on my mind.
Scared of feeling unloved
When I am loved-
Sinners found in the hands of
An angry (but unconditionally loving) God –
I feel in constant debt to you.
It’s probably all in my head,
But where’d it come from?
Why must I say “sorry”
Over and over
When you insist I shouldn’t.
Why do you let me?
Why do I let me?
Confused-
Beyond belief!
Why have the emotions been flowing
For so long now?
Where are the answers?
Where’s my burning bush?

The things on my mind.

Well I’m trying to finish this poem.
I didn’t know what it’d be about when I started it.
I did know, however,
That I needed to let out steam.
Like why I feel
Like you always make assumptions,
And your assumptions are usually right
But it still pisses me off
Because sometimes you are wrong.
Do I give you reasons to make assumptions?
Probably,
I’m like the freakin’ prodigal son-
Really, that’s been my perpetual story-
And it’s getting old.
Will I ever just eat the fattened calf
And just celebrate?

The things on my mind:
Why I can’t just be normal.
Sit with you on the couch
And just relax.
Just enjoy your body next to mine,
Even when your eyes are glued;
Even when you’re uninvolved.
Why can’t I find contentment?

These are the things on my mind.