So quiet pass my window it goes.
Soft to the ground.
Falling.
Under the lamps of the street
to the music box on the mantel,
beside the raging fire
that separates the quiet contrast
between you and me.
So sacred as it lies in its virginity.
No paths have been crossed,
no ice walls have been built,
no rain washes it away.
So still,
so holy,
like the night we met.
A contest entry
- What's Love Got To Do With It? by 2lullabyhaven.
700 points, ended March 2, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BEST prewrites; anything goes! by perfectsunset.
550 points, ended April 5, 52 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 90 of 90
-
very pretty
I like how you think of the first snow. I would add more but I am really sleepy and my brain doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me.
Keep up the good work.
-
thats a really amazing way to think of the first snow...
i'm from NH, and i love teh first morning that it snows.
When i was little i used to go out barefoot just to have people wonder why tehre were footprints instead of bootprints in the snow.
-
always perfect, dear
-
Wow so beautiful great job
-
Wow...this is really beautiful. There is such great imagery in every line. I loved the second stanza, especially these lines:
beside the raging fire
that separates the quiet contrast
between you and me.
Great write :] -
This is so beautiful.... so evocative of a purely still clear cold night when the memory swims through synapses....
Beautiful images in this poetry, Liam....
And beautiful work resting in your soul.....
-Kelly
-
Touching
Amazing poem you poetry is so amazing and touching so emotional and beautiful I am going to have to find the time to read it all
-
Awesome imagery, I could literally picture this as I read it. I love the first snow, and I get annoyed when the mailman interrupts it's beauty leaving messy foot prints and mud. Great Write
-
This was so beautiful no wonder you got two honorable mentions. thank you so much for sharing this with me and Good luck!!!
-
WOW!
I really loved this one!
You really have a way with words.
And this piece really touched me deep!
I'm beside myself after reading this one.
Just amazing!
Mandi
-
Awesome symbolism!
Oh my, friend, you see the same images as I when that first snow comes..I see it as a blanket of purity that God brings down to cover the land, over the darkness...Your descriptive imagery..
"so sacred it lies in it's virginity" is powerful!
" so still, so holy, like on the night we met"
I enjoy this write...very deep, and personal ...your gypsy
-
excellent
Seems we went to different schools together and studied the same thing.
"Under the lamps of the street
to the music box on the mantel,
beside the raging fire
that separates the quiet contrast
between you and me."~ my favorite part...
-
This put a pretty image in my head.
-
very nice.
-
i agree with flaed
-
precioso
-
So romantic and longing. I love it so much. It calls to something inside of me like you'd never know. One of my favorite quotes is "The snows more lonely then cold if you know what I mean". And I can see that same emotion in this piece as well. Very nice. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck to you.
-
oh your right i do like it. its so CUTE !
so sweet and freaking cute!!
possibly one of my verry favorites of yoors.
-
nice brother
as I read this I saw snow falling. I like this alot bro
-
Good write, the purity of anything is beautiful. You have captured the innocence of a newly found love, and described well the way it eventually gets trampled on lol. Excellent write!!
-
beautifully poignant...
your words always leave me
speechless........
she would love these words Liam...
-
Wow this was fantastic.
Written with such beauty
and grace. Loved it!!
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a short poem that told a long story
beautifully written.
Great word play;
So sacred as it lies in its virginity. -
Here we are again, and quite by accident. This was lovely, just lovely. The images it broughto mind were sensual and calming at the same time. Well written as always.
Would you take a look at "Word Play" - a poem for a tough contest. The rules are interesting. But I'm not receiving any feedback. I'm thinking there's more to be desired on my part. Only if you want to and only if you have time. I will always understand.
Blessed Be, Poet,
Rachele
-
I could really picture this, It's a beautiful picture! Great write!
-
Wow, thanks for this entry and good luck to you
-
I pictured snow, particularly in the reference to its lying in virginity.
The complexity of this is rather simple if you relate it to your own thoughts and the open ended way it can be anything the reader creates is excellent.
Best to you in the contest
Shari
-
Again, gorgeous stuff here. Excellent writing, I don't have any other words to describe it. The emotion here was, as ever, gorgeous.
-
you're killing me with this.
Im beside myself with emotion and have no adaquate words of expression here. Absolutely gorgeous, as you've been told before.
Much love always,
jin
-
loved this
so effective in the minute details...feel it's really capable of recreating the first snow in the mind of that someone (if it that one is not imaginary)...
congrats and best regards.
-
What a pretty poem. I thought that the introduction was extremely effective--it did convey a sense of softly falling. I also like the imagery of "ice walls" built by mother nature, snow plows: proverbial or otherwise. Nicely done!
Best,
El
-
So Romantic!
We had a nice period of flurries here today & this pretty write is just what I needed for my bedtime read!
First snow memories for new lovers. I like the metaphor for your lives in the description of the snow. Unblemished, untarnished by life. Loved this line:
So sacred as it lies in its virginity.
And your ending is perfection:
No paths have been crossed,
no ice walls have been built,
no rain washes it away.
So still,
so holy,
like the night we met.
Ah....yes....now that would be a night to remember! Would that I still had days like that left in my life....well, I can still dream!
-
I have no words to adequately express the deep gorgeous tone you have set! Magical, does not do it justice!
-
Interesting. i like the idea behind it but i wish there was a little more detail about the snow itself.
I do like the contrast of the fire and snow. that was powerful. -
ichigosama
that's so beautiful!!! pure love in its true form. how romantic and wonderful!!!! keep up your work!!
-
This is great.Almost timeless is a love like this,where all seems t stand still and cease to exist except for the one which you love.Great job on this and good luck in the contest.The title you chose was perfect and the flow was great.
-
Breathtaking!!!
This piece is so soft and harmonious. I love the flow and the imagery. Yours,Gypsy
-
i love this
this is an awesome piece of writing you know how to connect with the reader extremely well i love the description you used in it!
-
This is really well written.I like the way that you express yourself.You have a way of conecting with the reader from the first line all the way to the end line.Making people relate to you and how you feel is hard but you seem to do it with ease.Hope one day I to can write as well.
-
An ageless beauty, almost keatsean I feel in this. A beautiful poem my friend, shades of night are woven in this spell. very nice, love the imagery of the fireplace.
-
i woke up to snow once
in September in Oregon
this is why i need to get out of the west coast
if only for a bit, just to
chase my sentiments over white snow.
agh.
-
HOLY LOVE...
-
beautifull x
-
Soft and melancholic feel. Deeply romantic and beautiful, a lovely poem for a Monday morning read
Jeff
-
V1L1 Past?
Love this, just wish it wasn't sad.Well, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, as they say. It is what it is, huh?
Still, it was there. Right on!
John
-
gorgeous.
i couldnt possibly say anymore than that!
well done and keep it up
-
this is sweet! i adore the feeling oozing from this piece.
your Faerie
-
Lovely images and emotion in this. I like the soft feel - like the softness of snow flakes falling. I like the romance and the depth of that emotion in this.
Nicely done!
I'm not positive, but I think you want the word 'past' in your first line....
thank you for your entry
best wishes in the contest
-
Oh. I was thinking of the other kind of mantle, then.
-
Beautiful. There is a sense of quiet serenity in this poem, and I find it calming. Very well written. It is descriptive and vivid.
Just one note: it's spelled "mantle", not "mantel". I think. =\ -
Amazing, truely amazing! This is purely...awe...inspring...
-
Awe-some
"Precious" is the first word that came to my mind =) I'm running out of points (down to 73!) But I feel the need to give you 3 applause anyways! =D
-
Snow give me the chill's. A perfect write... I can imagine myself writing something like this for that white first snow... Beautifull..
-
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww so sweet but it seems more like u dont want that person not saying u dont it just dosent make sence to me o well its your work not mine.
-
this issuch a pretty write makes this good catholic girl think of purity and innocence, a little gem for me to take to bed with me tonight, and snooze into my cocoa with
thanks liam for a fragment of piece to sooth a weary soul
littlefishone
-
what a beautiful poem. very simple, yet filled with great imagery and a loving ending. great piece
~
-
i thought i had commented on this one...
What a prolific metaphor. The feelings this leaves me with i could never describe with mere words. if i were a painter i could maybe paint them, if i were a dancer maybe i could dance them.. but i am just me- and just know that i feel them- your spectacular words- in all their glory.
Pristine, timeless, untouched by the muck.
bravo, poet!
-
This poem is full of love and imagery, I compliment it in honesty. This was a very good poem, very well written.
This particular poem made me feel familiar.
I love the snow, and winter is my favorite season. The love coming from this poem radiates from each word. Well done.
-
Impressed
Loved the imagery
The flow adds well to the mood of the poem -
Love this! I think that this is another favorite of mine. I know whenever I get 'bored'. I surf around through your poems and read them over and over again!
-
very lovely write, i felt the serenity.
-
Wow!! This is wonderful in so many ways, it was simple and to the point yet it had so much imaginary and emotions, it gave me a sad feeling and as I read I could picture myself sitting by the window and looking as snow fell. Beautiful!
I can't believe this didn't win it has such deep and raw emotions and brought to me so much memories but mine where with rain rather than snow.
Silent, sad, calm, sorrowful and rich. Great write, I'll certainly bookmark it, it has touched me in someway. thanks for sharing!
Much love
~Noor
-
this really warmed me up inside, I love the line no ice walls have been built it is a good poem thanks for reading my poemstoo
-
Ohhh... how beautiful. You were right, this is very pretty. Stunning, in fact.
The way it's written... I can hear your voice saying it in my head and it's almost like it's whispered, such a soft, gentle, sentimental write. It's light as pixie feet and pure as the tinkling of tiny bells.
What a beautiful picture you have painted us. The delicate, virginial subject of the new snow, and the music box, contrasted by the fire, which could be interpreted as an angry, or passionate underlying message in the piece. Or perhaps it demonstrates the inner fire you feel for the person mentioned at the end, "like the night we met."
Either way - it works, and the ending works as well, because all through the poem, the language you've used and the way you've used it, has a slightly romantic feel, so the end line - though not necessarily expected - worked well in co-ordination with the piece. It felt right that it should be there.
A visually and mentally stunning piece, brother.
Warmest wishes,
Jess
-
Such a beautiful write. So romantic and passionate and pure. Lovely, I really enjoyed this. Great job and good luck in the contest!
-
Quite lovely, seats me in front of a roaring flame with a cup of coa-coa as I admire the imagery you have painted for me and the simple, serene silence you have offered.
Much love,
K~
-
You caught my attention by just the title itself. I hope the snow can hold off for a little while. Nicely penned here Lowell. THANKS!
-
The title really drew me in. I loved the start of it. I live in Minnesota, and we get so much snow that the winters here are feared by most people in the surrounding states. Even though cold, there is nothing like standing in a light snowfall, with your lips pressed warmly against your lovers. You penned such beautiful imagery in to this!! AWESOME WRITE!!!!!!
ing alone,
Mylee -
wow...the last few lines really made this one for me...as I bet you could have guessed. I am such a hopeless romantic. When you categorize love as something holy and sacred, it strikes a chord within me...because true love is not just physical and emotional...it is also spiritual.
I also appreciated the parallel you created between freshly fallen snow and a new relationship. It is striking that the first moments of a love always seem so flawless, pristine. Then later, the reality of life sets in and sometimes we are left with nothing but dirty slush...you see a lot of that in NYC, I imagine.
Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. It resonated in my heart...
-
seems largly constructed of a profound consciousness, we have taken our seat in the world, looking on and learning the ways and mechanics of everything.
-
so sacred is the white as it lies within its virginity, so still, so holy, so real and yet can not be washed away..the sweetness still holds its place, no walls no rain like the night we met...sighs...just breath taking
-
Enough have gushed on about what a wonderful write this is, I guess the only thing that I would point out is...I agree.
Whilst this seems to be a joyful tribute to the enduring sacredness and power of love, it can to some, reveal the depths of the darkness they hold within themselves.
-
the begining...
The begining is the best. Like snow untread apon.
But with time it does turn brown, it does wash away... and we are left with a slushy heart and cold breath.. -
Great poem. Marvelous imagery and beautiful words. I didn;t get the use of holy tho ...
-
Quiet...Buetifully Written
Very Nice Lowell Poe.
I like this one! ^^
Can I print it and put it up on my wall like I did with Otep's poems? -
This is a beautiful and meanngful write. So constant, like the first snows fall. I love it!
-
Excellent
Ah, 'tis a fine romantic write, indeed. You have expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
i really like this poem. really good word choice, and i love the imagery in here, its very good. and i really like the last line, the comparason(SP?) is very cool. good job, like always. you totally rock at poetry. lol.
cerbie
-
GREAT METAPHOR, ANOTHER HIT
-
Very nice. I like the flow of the poem from start to finish. First snow is special, so Is a blanket of snow early in the morning. Although many people complain about the winter months, they are my favorite.
We got our first snow a week ago.
Mike
-
Words to read right before bed! This poem is very tranquil, I loved it.
I'm very saddended when people walk through it and the cars make it sullied slush...I can't wait for the first snow...I babble about to my classmate from Florida...he's not as anxious as I am! I could watch the snow fall for hours. And then the next morning I'm still like a little kid; I throw on my coat and gloves and play in the snow all day.
-
Lost
I and I wish that she gracious yor presence with love and joy. Men do write the best love pomes.
-
Lowell,
I like this...so simple, yet elegant, and mysterious. I particularly like the last phrase, " No paths have been crossed, no ice walls have been built, no rain washes it away. So still, so holy, like the night we met." Beautiful, and captivating...kind of draws you in and makes you want to walk in the snow, or just look at it quietly!
-
Breathtaking!!!
This is a stunningly beautiful piece of art. You placed me there beside you. I could almost feel the heat of the fire from the mantel and hear the music box playing a sentimental tune. Brilliant write. ~Gypsy~
-
Simple yet beautiful. I love the serene wording of this piece, it's soothing to read almost. No sadness as far as I can tell. Wonderful job with this. Not much more I can say.
-
another grand write!
forever you continue to surprise me with such nice word choice and that...
i will merely correct you in a single stanza, though:
"So sacred as it lies in it's virginity"
"It's" should be "Its"
--- tis meh only complaint, simply because i'm a grammar freak XDDD
a lovely write otherwise
-
-
Actually...
You're incorrect in your correction...It's is correct, because it's possessive of the virginity.
-
-
oops i meant good
-
Beautiful ! I liked it.
"So sacred as it lies in it's virginity.
No paths have been crossed,
no ice walls have been built,
no rain washes it away.
So still,
so holy,
like the night we met."
Was my favorite.God job!
-
Very cool...
A few things...Corrections first, then the piece..
quite should be quiet
meet should be met
Don't need comma after contrast
Ok, now the piece...
THIS IS COOL
It's different from you...
"No paths have been crossed,
no ice walls have been built,
no rain washes it away."
- Were my favorite lines..
The second stanza sets the stage for...a perfect evening...like the night they met maybe? I got a very majestic feeling when I read this...Made me feel good brother...I don't know how else to describe it...
I'm impressed...And I'm going to read it a few more times...
BLESSINGS ALWAYS BROTHER,
BRANDON
Adding your comment:
1 - 90 of 90
