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hell a fucking loo ya

I'd like to strip the bark from every tree
that ever spoke to me
and build a fire
that would burn hotter
and higher than any hell
that ever was imagined
in the minds of children
that can only dream in nightmares
then spit upon the graves of
wise men
who twist reality to fit their needs
and fuck the whores and harlots
of the world
until they bleed like hemophiliacs
then rest my body
in a grave and dangerous utopia
where purgatory cries
for the forgotten souls to be released
and praise the lord

with every bitter breath

that I have left

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • ItaloEtkin
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    That is really something there....

    best of luck in the contest!


  • Swan song gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Dude! there has to be a shortage of BC bud lol
    only really pissed off people write like this.
    Excellent!!!!!!


    • sheltered
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      it's ok... i just scored some goods
      and everything is roses again


  • DolceVito gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful...

    ...as stark-naked truth always is(but calm down, bro...smoke a doobie and relax) Deserving


  • Rob. gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I'd like to strip the bark from every tree
    that ever spoke to me"

    Reminds of a line in Fight Club, "I'd like to put a bullet through the head of every Panda that wouldn't fuck to save it's species"

    The titles cool, need to write that on my hard-hat...lol

    As you said to mine, I find this oddly uplifting too..

    "spit upon the graves of
    wise men"

    hahaha, no shit, what the hell they ever do for us?, 'cept make us feel guilty, screw em tho, as Lord Byron said, "I'll remember to stop for a piss by your gravestones"...

    Glass raised bud, I'd say I'll see ya on the other side but fuck, I don't think they have beer or porn, so screw that idea....mightily....

    Cheers.

    • sheltered
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      cheers bud
      got my weed and redbull at the ready now
      smooth sailing for here on


  • lunarlunacy
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    what do use for a quill and ink Tim? A broadsword and angel's blood? DAYUM that rocked.


    • sheltered
      October 25, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      that would make a great line or title for Truth's contest
      "broadsword and angel's blood"... well said


      • lunarlunacy
        October 25, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        true dat man, thanx for reminding me, I gotta crank something out for his great debut contest. ....... broadsword and angels blood
        severing crowns and halos alike
        horned demon's blitzgrieging might

        embracing befouled remains
        but pause to close Innocence's eyes
        before the slaughterous delight

        ripping wings from their backs
        merely to have a bloody stanglehold
        before mounting the disembowled blight

        nah, nvrmind ... will have to come back to this

        • sheltered
          October 25, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          great start ^


          • lunarlunacy
            October 25, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            naw, its hackneyed. Need something with a wit and wordcraft akin to the poetic prowess you displayed above, only geared for his theme.
            gonna go tinker with it and bounce the new rough draft off of ya via messenger and quit cluttering the space meant for that stunning pen above.


  • Lillianna
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    Wow this is great..cutting and powerful!

    ' Spit upon the graves of wise men '
    was my fav line.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    shit
    thats one word.
    and then theres GODDAMN
    should be two but i was studdering through it.
    This is one hell afucking good piece lmoa.

    best wishes but damn, you took prompt and ripped it a new ass. Congrats on doing so, im staying away from this contest. damn maybe you as well nah just kidding that wont happen

    Love
    Passions


  • Cannonsfire
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Can I hear a 'hell yeah' from the audience...lol...you took this prompt and tore it up my friend. Well done! C


  • nevadapoet
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow...what a write. Where does all of this coome from? What a powerful write...grabbing the reader from word one and holding on until the last...like one big breath exhaled!!!! Love the use of your imagery and metaphors. Thank you for sharing your talent in my contest. I appreciate your entry very much.
    Shelly


    • sheltered
      November 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i was actually hesitant to post this
      because i thought it was one
      that could go either way
      glad you enjoyed it
      and thank you so much


      • nevadapoet
        November 11, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        was pleasently suprised to see your name as author on this piece...you are quit talented!!! You remind me so much of an old friend of mine...same wit, same look...everytime I see your name an image of him pops into my head...it makes me feel like I know you...strange huh? Anyway...great job on this one!!!

1 - 17 of 17