~
With this prose I shan’t disguise,
the tender ardor felt within,
the love whispered into thine eyes,
to strive each day, thine heart to win.
I can not say what I will not do
I wouldst not lie for my feet are clay,
but these feet are shod with honest shoes
So I now promise thee this sacred day:
I stake my honor with firm decree
To be a man who holds you close,
speaks truth and light most candidly;
thy esteem held high, thy peace utmost.
I’ll strive for a spirit of spotless gleam,
to thee, I vow firm loyalty.
Knowing God has granted me you, this dream;
I now honor and pledge all my love to thee.
~
Author notes
I may now kiss the bride. I may...who knows... *rolls eyes*
*large, wet, smoochy suction cup sound*
In a list
A contest entry
- Wedding Vows by Riftkin.
900 points, ended October 31, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Upgrade Your Green Trophy by Nicada.
700 points, ended November 3, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Eh, it was ok Paul. Sorry, I'm in judge mode right now.
It would be a bit better if you didn't use complicated words like "shod and shan't."
Nice poem though.
Ugh! Why do I keep holding contests when I'm sick! -
Yes, I definitely read this as a wedding vow also. I sense the intensity of ardor the poet expresses in this verse, as well as the sincerity of the vow.
I thought there would be some "ocean" metaphor in this piece, given the title. I was a little disappointed.
-
-
Thanks for stopping by Joyce. I see what you mean and I can't seem to remember why I called it Ocean Deep. Must have started out differently. lol
Paul
-
-
Aha! I was going to say this reads as a wedding vow, and then I see you won HM in a contest specifically for that. Nice write. American English would have "can not" as "cannot" (not sure if that would be the correct treatment in this piece or not ).
-
-
I was aiming for somewhat of an Old English sound to this Misha anyway so then the separation of 'can' and 'not' should be okay. Again, thanks for stopping by.
-
-
Beautiful wedding vows. A day for promises from the heart. Congratulations on your award. ~Pamela
-
-
It's scary how easily this flowed from my pen. *shudder*
Thank you Pam.
-
-
This is beautiful, and very well written. A very touching and heartfelt write. Great job and thanks much for entering. Blessings, Patty
-
This is wonderfully written. I love it very much.
Thank you for entering my contest.
Riftkin
-
Oh my! This is truly a beautiful quatrain and very suitable for wedding vows. I love the old language, you pulled it off well.
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
Thank you oh queen of rhyme. This is truly high praise coming from you.
Paul -
-
-
-
Funking awesome.
Funking, funking awesome.
Perfect, I really can't say anything else.
But I'll ramble on nonetheless
The way you used "old" language actually really worked, in most poems I've read on here that have attempted to do that it just doesn't. So kudos
Perfect.
-
-
Thank you so much. I don't often try to write in an old English style but thought I'd try on this one.
Paul
-
-
I like this. Quite contemplative and meaningful. If I was gay... use your imagination. I think that this would be good bait on a hook. Especially in your own handwriting and mailed snail mail. My work here is done.
-
Sigh
This is so yummy. Very Olde English in tone and done to perfection. Rolls off silk onto satin and thoroughly enjoyable. I love this.
-
-
Thank you Wolfheart.
Paul
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
