This aisle
still stands in a fable-grey suit
where we live
where we loved
and lit up
in some backstreet
of the heart
is that lair ~
and a phone call in the night
wakes me from dreams.
Author notes
Credit: http://marksda1.deviantart.com/art/London-Calling-31997687
A contest entry
- quick[ie] as a fox by notorious.
646 points, ended October 29, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Made me wonder if the phone call was good or bad news. A superb take on the picture!
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"backstreet
of the heart"
Awesome and inventive use of 'backstreet'.
!
"is that lair"<--great line break for this
"waking me from dreams..."
My suggestion would be to turn 'waking' into 'wakes' to make it snappier; I think it sounds better as one syllable.
Also, that ellipsis isn't needed in this instance.
Tell me if you make edits
and thanks for entering.
Jessica -
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I have made suggested changes. Sounds much better and those ellipsis things are just a bad habit of mine and quite unintentional. Have removed them now... x
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This is gorgeous, I think you did this prompt to perfection as always. I love the way you think, it teaches me so much
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Interesting
I really do not completely understand thes prompts. But as I see your take on this all I can think of is a dream. But whatever it was enough to make me go back and stare at the picture for a reason , I guess.
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