A booming voice both gentle and harsh
winding, striking through the air,
brings back the memories of a child's wonder,
at the murmurs of the world.
It echoes the past and brings forth new tidings.
Rain pounds on ears, then becoming emeralds
upon the ground. The whistling begins slowly at
first, then picks up the winds howl.
The sky trembles, the mountains exhale
In anticipation of beautiful violence.
Author notes
A collaboration with the very talented mgreen.
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What did you think of my poem?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Love the beautiful violence bit
emeralds on the ground doesn't grab me as much
But you have taken us there and thats what poetry is all about
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I like that at the beginning you used a lot of 'ing' endings which helped create the anticipation, but perhaps this would be more affective if you replaced the 'ing' endings in the second stanza and used language that creates more immediacy. I see that you've done that for the most part, except here:"then becoming emeralds
upon the ground" which is not grammatically correct. "then becomes" would make it more clear. I'm surprised no one else noticed. Great write, by the way. I really like all the use of sound.
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great job both of you.
fav:
Rain pounds on ears, then becoming emeralds
upon the ground. The whistling begins slowly at
first, then picks up the winds howl.
The sky trembles, the mountains exhale
In anticipation of beautiful violence.
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Brevo!!
Beautiful Violence. That just gets me....but very well written and a good collabo.......praise to you both..(i seriously hate these "suggestion" things below the comment box....)
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Excellent!!!
Very captivating!!! It pulled me right into it. Very good job. Thanks for sharing.
With love and blessings,
Robert
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I admire the way the theme is handled ... there is real substance in this write. thunder is part of the landscape but has an immediacy ... it is not just background.
the first stanza is quite powerful and I would just continue with the immediacy of the moment and explore thunder ... it seems to trail off in the second stanza.
once again, thanks for the great write.
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Outstanding
This is well-written and you have managed to capture something of the beauty of storms. Interesting to see that this is a collaboration. This poem has smooth flow and I liked the way you devloped your theme. The second stanza is full of strong imagery that brings the thunder to life. An excellent poem.
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"brings back the memories of a child's wonder,
at the murmurs of the world."
lol great line! I really liked the whole write!
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I loved the image of the rain becoming emeralds upon the ground, that was definately my favorite part. I would like to see more elaboration on which memories of a child's wonder are brought back and which parts of the past are echoed away. Great job, I really enjoyed reading!
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good peice, i find it rather intersting.
nice use of elements, and i give you a 5/5
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This piece is excellent. I love the image of the rain becoming emeralds on the ground, that's an excellent way to describe it.
The rain is truly one of the most beautiful things that we can ever experience.. nature's true way of showing fury.
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I think you guys did a great job. Personally, I do not see any thing about the poem that needs revision.
Great job.
Mike
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I think we did a great job!
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