plastic necklaces strung pretty
dusty in his eyes
[luminosity dulled by dimestore display]
you skip around
crinkle leaf sidewalk play
you roll your eyes
green to yellow to orange
ink scratch-out paper
hiding behind your grin
what was there before?
what did you never allow?
sodden ground
thoughts & secrets threaded
dead grass tangled
thriving weeds
and I'm drowning beside you
Author notes
So I've been trying to get into writing again. This isn't the best, but it's how I feel.
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites From October 2008 by amaranthine lover.
1550 points, ended November 22, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - how many times can i break till i shatter. by innocence jaded.xx.
900 points, ended December 3, 2008, 57 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Great visuals - love how they add up into a story. Tons of emotion here. And I especially liked the ending.
I cam back to find your older poems, but it looks like you've deleted them.
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-you skip around
crinkle leaf sidewalk play
you roll your eyes
green to yellow to orange
ink scratch-out paper
hiding behind your grin
...
loveee your style; i'll have to check out more of your stuff :]
welcome to the finalists♥
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Congrats on the silver. Your phrasing about the eyes ... I had a friend with changing eyes. I call them autumn eyes because they are as changeable as the leaves of autumn. Greens to golds ... even blue sometimes. This is nice, thank you for the entry.
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hmmmm. simply gorgeous!
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Most interesting muse
This piece confuses me a bit but It sounds like a child going through the actions of being happy yet have deep woven dougts that no obne could ever see .
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Hey this was nice.... honestly! I was kind of confused with the second stanza.... I couldn't get most of it
The last line was beautiful... I feel like drowning too... -
i like this. some people do say that being confused is like drowning. and you're right, technically this is not great but i think it makes up for it in simple emotion.
thanks for entering and good luck!
kitch -
I love the world this paints for visual effect in my mind.
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Your poem is interesting. It is thought provoking and almost haunting. Still it does not meet the criteria of this contest because of lack of punctuation and incomplete thoughts. Better luck next time. For true.
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Nice ending lines... great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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This is actually a good poem. I felt the pain in this piece. i enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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Very interesting, rather abstract (which is good lol, I love abstract poetry). Great job ^-^
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Don't you hate writers block and trying to get back into it? I'm in the same boat right now. Really liked this, the lines were short and simple yet seemingly complex and emotional. Thank you for entering.
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hey. you have my heart with this.
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I hate writers block. But hey, I enjoyed this piece quite a bit! Good job with this, it might not be the best you want it to be now, but you'll get there! Good luck in the contest! -Liz
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