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Pulse

 

 

A china vessel slipped
between chalky fingers;
her paper-thin skin
spider-webbed with veins.

Her heartbeat changed
to a broken tempo,
an untuned piano
that she still tried to play.
The halting staccato
of shuddered breaths.

 

The graveyard sighed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • withering.whisper
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    OMG I LOVE IT. THE GRAVEYARD SIGHED!
    that was excellent, i am glad to see you got gold. so deserved it. your poem was short yet powerful and very haunting!


  • Exodus gold member
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Just... wow


    Yeah

    just wow.


  • BlindingSchism
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's definitely haunting... but in a good way. Short, but has an eerie message. I like it!


  • And Hyetal
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    squee squee squee squee squee


  • nancy drew
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this. graveyards are so great to write/read about, when done well; you've done it well.

    -helen


  • LucyLightning
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Her heartbeat changed
    to a broken tempo,
    an untuned piano
    that she still tried to play."

    -Those lines were ahhh-mazing.
    I really enjoyed this, everything worked really well together. Word usage/phrase-age is definitely in your favor.


  • sailor ptolema
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    mm. yes. i like it .


  • Super-man
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    BITTER SWEET

    Your work is enchanting. Everything, wording, phrasing, even the page use.

    Awesome.


  • faderman1959
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting poem! The graveyard sighed? Her time had come at last to pass. Thought provoking! I like that!


  • thesefadingstars.
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is good. "the graveyard sighed" I love it


  • Never Fall in Love
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Her heartbeat changed
    to a broken tempo,
    an untuned piano
    that she still tried to play."

    I don't believe you've not been writing for a while. I think you've been writing ever since you've claimed you haven't been writing.

    if that makes any sense.


    • February Moon gold member
      October 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Maybe I have, and I'm just not posting it.
      (But really, I haven't been. )

1 - 12 of 12