A stone in a field
Lies alone
Not covered with moss
Not tossed by children
Or sat on by frail men
It sits unmolested by shine
And upon it has fallen not rain nor shadow
And though it may never feel cold pain
Warmth is unknown
Even as all other rocks are crushed and born anew
This rock remains unchanged
Unaltered by
passing eons tumultuous quietly
They who pass fleeting by
And so only see a glimpse
can not know
this rock is alone
Author notes
I'd love some NEGITIVE feedback.
thanks for dropping in!
I'd written this a while ago, and i like it. It might need to have "unaltered by/passing eons tumultuous quietly" ironed out a little bit.
thanks for reading!
Written January 29th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I was very drawn in to this piece!! It was very powerful and also a metaphor(?) for the way some people feel about their lives. I liked it alot!
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I would simply drop the "y" - making it "tumultuos quiet"
Other than that, an interesting, thought provoking piece. Simple and easy to browse. Good job. -
Please do a follow up poem to accompany this one- one that goes into more detail about what the heck Love has to do with this. i dont mean to be crude but it appears you've got a rock in your head. you get an applause though because i want to see if you can put some vim into it for us- i think you've got somthing more to say and are just to chicken to say it.
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gee i think its good
you can really add comments to your own page>? i had no idea but the concept is a novel one... -
Nice work here eh? im not a negitive person you know...
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This is such a beautiful piece of poetry. My husband and I spend much time clearing rocks from our pastures etc. I'm wondering have we left that one lone rock?
Perhaps if you have time you'll read my "Potato Rock" poem. You'll understand that I do have a genuine caring for rocks. so I honestly do appreciate this lovely poem you've written. -
substansial
this is a strong piece i think. really liked it
really connected to it.
and yeah, i stummbled at those lines you're unsure of but i'm thinking it might just be formating or perhaps changing a positive to a negative or flip what i just said or you know... something like that.
i'm gonna tell you how i'd lay it out 'cause it sort of is clear in my head how'd be if i wrote it and maybe that'll help (i hope it doesn't f**k up the writing process?)
you have:
"Even as all other rocks are crushed and born anew
This rock remains unchanged
Unaltered by
passing eons tumultuous quietly"
and i guess i see it more on the lines of:
Rocks crush, born into anew
This rock remains unchanged
Unaltered.
eons passing tumltuous;
This rock continues in quite.
bah. now i don't like the whole repeted 'this rock' but hopefully you can fix'er up real good cause the beginning is really some great imagry and wording. ending is quite good as well.
lemme know how it goes.
=]
much respect.
l-. -
this was a really good read! i liked it a lot
This rock remains unchanged
Unaltered by
passing eons tumultuous quietly
i liked that bit the language throughout the poem was good with the word choice and all and it was a really brilliant poem!! ill aplaud it cuz i liked it so much heehe
xashtrayxgirlx -
these are very nice works of prose.
this is an especially appealing work..
I can't help but think that if you set rhyme and meter to it
(poetry), it would really shine... -
Oh my this is deep! And beautifully so! You captured my curiosity immediately and then left my mind wandering in the abyss you created with your imagery. What a tease. I love it!!!
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very good
Very well done. I had the image of a standing stone through out the entire read. A favorite topic of mine.
A pleasure to read.
John -
AWSOME!
WOW~! Truely a poetic treasure, This is the best ive read at this sight. NO S***! You have created a masterpiece thats just my personal oppinion. I love it. You have a gift...Peace -
Thanks! did you feel that that "unaltered by/passing eons tumultuous quietly" was weak, or is that prehaps just somthing i am paranoid about?
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Awesome
oooo very good oooooo very good.!!! kept my attention and everything. great ending and great start this is good. best poem ive read in a long time. me applaud it. I really liked it
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