Showers falling on hill
Seep into rocks
Dissolving lime from crevices
Dip drop by drop through roof
Residue becoming hanging stalactite
Cave filled with them
Formed over ages
glowing chandeliers in dark
With bats flying from corner to corner
Falling water drop on floor
Left its traces
That rose to become stalagmites
Substance of pure lime
Stalactites and stalagmites
So close at places
As if shaking hands
Rain scouring lime
May make up this gap
Meticulously over long time
Nature sculptured them
Painstakingly into different shapes
Resembling animals, trees and aquatic life
Observant eye finds every creature of earth
Made out of tiny lime grains
Author notes
*POW Contest*
Stalactites and stalagmites are formed out of residues of lime left by water drop, one hanging from top other rising from floor. They are formed in dark caves shining white. They appear in different shapes, as if made by sculptor.
A contest entry
- - Poem of the Week - by Bear - by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended October 25, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Hello welcome to POW.
1st line might read better as "hills".
5th line has two "ing" words side by side, messes up flow.
6th line would read better with an "a" in front of cave, or as "caves".
8th line... perhaps "dark" should be "darkness"?
3rd stanza, just worded awkwardly.
4th stanza needs some grammar to break up separate thoughts etc.
In the 5th stanza, "eye" might be plural to make it flow better? plus some grammar wouldn't hurt.
Well besides that I think you have some lovely thoughts and imagery in here. The first two lines have nice imagery that had me thinking
very nice. on to the board:
Title - 9.0.. not bad, I think you could have come up with something a little better though.
Flow - 7.0.. not so good, very choppy for me. wrong word usages etc messed up flow big time.
Depth - 9.1.. not bad.
Theme - 9.3.. a good theme.
Feelings - 7.0.. no feeling.
Grammar - 8.5.. could have used more, especially after the 3rd line in the last stanza.
Presentation - 9.3.. nice job with this. kept it easy to read.
Uncommonness - 8.8.. not that uncommon..
Sit & Ponder Affect - 8.5.. nothing really to ponder over.
Ability to follow Rules - 10 - great job with this
Total: 86.5
-
Hi, and welcome to the POW for 10/24/08
I enjoyed the lesson wrapped in this write. Bear has noted the grammatical errors and such, so I will not repeat them. The theme was different enough for my tastes, and I liked the idea of reaching to hold hands. Also the fact that these formations take on shapes other than spiked.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
-
Hello
*dip drop*?.....or.....*drip drop*?
You have CAPPED the beginning of every line, except one....rules state to not do that
...unless required ~
*Falling water drop on floor*?
*drops*?
Repeating *lime* 3 X's is not recommended ~
*Painstakingly*??
I think it would be rather easy, as there was no one to disturb their formation......until man came along
A nice write.....notr as creative as I look for, as this Theme is older than mankind, and has been read about numerous times in many different books and informational texts ~
I enjoyed the venture though....was nice to go outside of the box for this contest and see something most different from other Themes pened.......not bad....good luck & God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.85...I would click on this Title...had me curious -
Flow 9.1....very broken.....a few filler words are missing to add Flow -
Depth 9.5....lots of depth....just not enough different in creativity -
Theme 6.9...I have seen this done many times in many texts -
Feelings 6.5...lacking in this area -
Grammar 9.65....simple, yet affective -
Presentation 9.5...very nice 0 -
Uncommonness 6.0...not as creative as I look for -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.2...I did ponder, but mostly for the beauty of your words -
Ability to follow Rules 9.5.......no borders allowed....watch those lacking filler words for beter flow! -
Bears Score: 85.7
Very nice
Break out that creativity quill for me next week
God bless you....no editing once a Judge has touched your work -
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