You wore her like a cloak,
catching solace
within her seams
and dreams dared to venture
beyond your
one-way-glass screams
her comfort embraced
your future of fear,
beating promises of forever
behind lapels of loss.
She gave fate all heart
and banished hates
behind buttonhole blames
and she clung
as you sung her praises,
raising realities
in tinctures of rainbow.
You danced in the rain
whilst romance taught tenderness
to unloved eyes
and old cries of injustice
drifted away
on short-term muse.
Her winter kept you warm,
as sorrows circled
another's plight
and nights hummed hues
of togetherness
and gentleness was found...
but the sound of summer calling
caused confusion,
caused despair,
as hanger's harms grew weary,
waiting
for her safe return
and you saw your sun was shining,
other grasses were growing green
so you slung that cloak aside
to hide
in disrepair.
And as the presence
of those worn regrets
slip down your spine
and thigh,
her love loiters
on the tips of toes--
kissing adieu
to your shared sighs.
A contest entry
- What Are You Feeling Inside? by Heavens Child.
550 points, ended October 28, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This was most deserving of the silver trophy, it was both sad and moving, you drew the reader in and fed them on the words of your poetry, great poem blessings with love John
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You wore her like a cloak,
catching solace
within her seams
and dreams dared to venture
beyond your
one-way-glass screams
Hmm... You wore her like a cloak. Extremely sensual. it's one of those things, the dress fit her like a glove. it relates, I love it.
I've read a few of your poems, and I really do enjoy your writes, i'm adding you to my favorites, and I applaud you.
Best Regards,
Holly
Comments are returned.
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and dreams dared to venture
beyond your
one-way-glass screams
favorite lines.. i loved this poem.. great write. and use of imagery
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beautiful, yet I feel prolonged saddness, long after reading this. I read it twice through, and still the saddness remains. This sis a great write, and your imagery is wonderful, the flow is perfect. Great Write!
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AMAZING I LOVE IT!!!
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Excellent!
So much of what I want to say has been said already. I love the opening lines, you've captured the attention of your reader with brilliance, and continue through out the piece. Best wishes and thank you for entering. -
Wow!
The beginning grabbed my attention and you held me with your words till the end(which is quite an accomplishment because I'm reading this with a lot of distractions around me right now).
It's amazing to have a relationship like this with another, even if it is a short as a season. What was shared remains a part of us, sometimes merely a residual effect, like a perfume that slowly fades into the air and loses its scent. Other times, It's really like having your skin ripped off when someone leaves.
Seems sad to be flung away like old clothes, and I sense a bit of regret there during the end.
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"You wore her like a cloak,
catching solace
within her seams,
as dreams dared to venture
beyond your
one-way-glass screams"
^^
Favorite lines, I was pulled into your poem by them,
Very good, loved the Summer reference and the way you personified it, the imagery was very good, too.
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It's a wonderful poem and flows very well. I love the imagery and the flow, as well as the way you use alliterations. You use "as" a lot to qualify your sentences though, and I found that it bothered me a bit. I found myself counting the number of times I could find that word. Is there other ways you could reword some bits of it to vary it some
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I like the Summer reference.
I like how you personify it, excuse my spelling.
I like the flow to this poem, it hops from stanza to stanza.
It's cute, endearing.
Lovely work, my friend.
Thank you for sharing -
Wow, I really enjoyed this. Good luck in the contest! My favorite stanza was: "You danced in the rain,
as romance taught tenderness
to unloved eyes
and old cries of injustice
drifted away
on short-term muse."
You are a very talented writer.
Great title and really interesting use of metaphors and word choice. Thanks so much for sharing this.
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6th and 10th stanzas were the best, but this entire piece is sheer brilliance beyond any words in the English language, I may have to revert to my limited knowledge of Italian....bellissimo :]
Peace & love,
xx Sin -
very creatively written. I can't explain the wonderful fresh feeling that this arouses in the reader.
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Sometimes the things we adore are last years fashion! Sometimes its hard to let go!! ~Sie
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"as hanger's harms grew weary"
what i like about this is that, it's as if a double meaning is intended. 1: what you have there & 2: "anger's arms"
intended or not, i appreciated the double meaning that i took from it. very cool.
i thought the rhyming at the end was exceptionally effective in adding the emphasis needed.
tragic topic, but a fantastic poem.
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Thankyou Carl
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wow, this was just wonderfully done and it was like wow, that is all i could think to say, keep it flowing
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it's really cool
i think your poem is awesome -
amazing... your personification and metaphor really make this stand out... no one should feel like last years fashion, but all too often it happens
good luck in the contest
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