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Un Caminar en el Jardín del Asilo

Missing image


Era una mañana de la Primavera,
y nos llevaron afuera donde yo quise

tocar con mis propias manos, aún si fuera
por un instante, una rosa, a un clavel,
o lo que sea, siempre que no tiene que ver
con las cuatro paredes, ni las ventanas con sus

barrotes y sus rejas.

Dice el poeta que los "barrotes y rejas no
hacen preso de uno", pero

no estoy de acuerdo; hasta el alma tiene su límites
en doblarse bajo la presión, antes de que se quiebra
en mil pedacitos que no se puede componer
de nuevo como si fuera una imagen de
rompecabezas para los niños.

Pero esta corta historia no se trata de barrotes, rejas,
ni rompecabezas, sino de las brisas y los perfumes
de este jardín y el crujido de las piedracitas bajo
mis pies; mis pálidos pies. ¡No me di cuenta cuán
pálida estaba yo! Hasta mi sombra no parece

tener la tinta de antes.

 

 

Ya nos estan llamando para regresar a los dormitorios y celdas. Pero esta vez no contaban con la astucia de uno de los pacientes. El llevó por encima cinco piedras, y las puso por encima

de su cama, encomiendolas a contarle a el

historias del mundo afuera...siempre y cuando que se les den la gana.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~English~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A Walk in the Garden of the Asylum

 

 

 

It was a Spring morning,

and they took us outside, where I wanted

to touch with my own hands, even if it were

for a moment, a rose, a carnation,

or anything, just as long as it had nothing to do

with four walls, or windows with their bars

and screens.

 

 

The poet says that "walls and bars don't

make prisoners of anyone", but

I don't agree; even the soul has limits

in bending under pressure, before it breaks

into a thousand tiny pieces, which

cannot be put back together

again in the living room parlor as if it were a picture of

a jigsaw puzzle for children.

 

 

But this brief history is not dealing with bars, screens,

nor even jigsaw puzzles, but with the breeze and perfume

of this garden, and the crunching of little pebbles under 

my feet; my pale feet!  I was not aware of how

pale I'd become! Why, even my shadow seems

to be lacking something.

 

 

Now they are calling us back to the dormitories and cells.

But this time they overlooked the cunning of one of the inmates.

He carries on his person, five, shiny, small stones, which he places

on his bed, and consigns to them the rank of story-tellers; of the

world without; of love and shadows;and you.

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 46 of 46
  • I thank you for adding the english or I would never have understood it lol. well versed piece about how one can become lost within a frail mind and suddenly find the rest of their body following suit. I like the touch of stealing rocks to become story tellers of the world outside - expressing the need for some connection to earth-bound objects to continue feeling human. great job - such a shame you pulled it from the contest.

    • EP

      Thanks! I probably plagiarized a few feelings from a film with Steve McQueen who portrayed a prisoner on Devil's Island. Esp after he came out of solitary for a "year"!
      Cannot recall the name,except it was called BUTTERFLY in French. LikeI said, getting old.LOL


      Again, best of luck in the contest.

      John
  • ay, chico. Es bonitisimo!

    good job ^-^

    • Angelica

      Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem this morning.
      Glad you liked it, made my day!

      John

  • Rose Angel gold member
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    Buenos Noches, Senor John...Your spanish is most impressive..and it is a beautiful penning you have here of the life for a prison inmate...A thought provoking write that is most moving, and something we all need to read... and descriptive penning...

    • Rose

      Re: your sea poem

      I love the ocean, but if I step off the dock at all onto a boat I get deathly sick.
      Went fishing down San Diego three months ago, it was a waste of money!LOL

      Great poem, yours! Love the ocean!

      John
  • adoro cada parte de este poema, yo pero adoramos esta parte el más ;

    El llevó por encima cinco piedras, y las puso por encima de su cama, encomiendolas a contarle a el
    historias del mundo de afuera...siempre y cuando que se les den la gana.


    triste y hermoso al mismo tiempo. esto es maravilloso.
  • Chickago66
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Me gusta las líneas en la segunda estrofa, especialmente =

    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Estimada Chickago66

      Muchas gracias por su comentario sobre este poema. No soy Hispano, pero de vez en cuando me gusta escribir, usando el vocabulario que tengo.
      Me halagas much con tus palabras y estoy muy orgulloso al oirlas.

      De nuevo, muchísmas gracias, y que pase usted muy Felices Días Navideñas!

      John-Las Vegas, Nevada
      • Chickago66
        December 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        jaja no soy un hispanohablante nativo también. estudio español y he viajado a muchos países españoles. sin embargo, buen poema!

  • klassy lassy gold member
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This makes me fervently wish I spoke Spanish, but I must settle for English. A lack of wings and the soft flutter of feathers is worse than walls and bars. There is a freedom gained in the language of the stone, and the innocence, too, of a child's treasure where imagination moves beyond the confines of logic into the heart.

    Not all things live within lines, sometimes they live in the mosaic of "love and shadows." May the perfume and breeze always find a home within you. ~ Karen


  • Devil of The Steely
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    ♥

    Me gusta bastante y se dan ganas de llorar, el sentimiento se siente, buen trabajo


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks very much...

      ...for your kind comments on my Spanish poem yesterday.
      Made my day!

      John-Nevada USA

  • yaotecatl
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    oh! Se me olvido decir

    La traduccion de las ultimas lineas no salieron igual (en Ingles) en mi humilde opinion y se perdio un pedazo del impacto por eso. Considera revisar esas ultimas lineas y veras que cambiara el impacto. Que platiquen las piedras del afuera cuando el les pida no cuando les de la gana. Just some thoughts to consider.
    yao

    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      yaotecatl

      Thanks a lot for your nice comments on my poem, I'm glad you liked it.
      Just practicing my Spanish I guess.

      The reason I used "cuando se les den la gana" in place of "cuando les pida"
      is because he was extending them a courtesy he himself was not given there.
      "If they felt like it" or not, was up to them. They were free when he found them, and he would not take that freedom away from them.
      I believe if you read it with that in mind you might feel a bit differently.
      Maybe!
      Regardless, I appreciate your candor and your comments on one of the few poems I've tried in Español.

      Muchisimas gracias,
      John-Nevada USA

  • yaotecatl
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Tremendosamente Diferente

    Me gusto bastante. Your style is rough and honest and I like that. Rustic thought vive siempre sin barrotes y rejas y por eso usted nunca sera encarcelado. Well done, hasta luego, amigo. :-)
    yao

  • BeautifulXxDisaster silver member
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Este poema me recuerda mucho al libro veronika decide morir, es increible encontrar poemas asi en esta pagina y me alegra mucho el haber decidido leer tu poema... muy bien hecho poeta! este escrito es fascinante!

    . Rewarded 3


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Estimada

      Parece que esta corta historia ha atraído a muchos vampiros. Probablemente
      se debe al hecho de que yo tengo un typo de sangre que no se encuentra en todas partes!LOL
      Muchisimas gracias por su comentario sobre este poema, uno de los cuantitos que escribí en el Español. Yo pasé un año en Puerto Rico desde hace 30ta años.
      Trabajaba en una iglesia, y también como carpintero en las muelles que reciben los barcos turisticas en la Bahía de San Juan.
      Te voy a poner en mis favoritos, si no tienes algo en su contra, para recordarme de ti de persona de habla Español.
      Otra vez te lo agradezco su haber leido mi poema!


      Atentivamente
      John

  • shadowlyn infinitas
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i don't know what else to say except that I liked this a great deal. not the typical subject matter one finds on this site. : ) there's something extraordinary in the ending of this especially. thanks for sharing. i only wish my spanish was good enough to understand your poem without the english translation! best wishes

    . Rewarded 4


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Shadowlyn Inf.

      Thanks a lot!
      I'm glad you liked this, no matter which language you read it in. I'm pretty much a novice at writing in Spanish, but I like to try it now and then.
      Thanks for your kind appraisal of this one today. Means a lot!

      John

  • xxvampyregirlxx
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow I love it soo much! This really is an amazing peace of work. Awesome use of describing words!


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Vampire girl

      Thanks for your nice comments on my Spanish/English poem today.
      I'm learning Spanish, and trying to put what I've learned to use.
      I'm so glad you liked the poem. I don't usually write poems without rhymes
      so this is kind of new to me.

      Thanks again, made my day!

      John

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The opening words - "Era una mañana de la Primavera" - simple scene-setting, and simplicity works. I love the idea of the shadow lacking something, and of the inmate's retaining the five stones.

    This is excellent poetry in either language.

    If you will not think this presumptuous, I shall put this poem forward as a feature.


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      December 14, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Hello Mairi

      Thanks a lot! See, I CAN write free verse, just only in Spanish!LOL
      I'm glad you cared for this as I've only tried a couple of them.
      And no, I wouldn't mind that at all! There "I" go, being presumptuous.LOL
      Again, thanks very much for your input on this, means a great deal!

      John

  • parachute fog
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    echos pablo neruda & his madness.


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      November 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Dear RVU

      Did not wish to come across as "madness", nor any of its subsidiaries, just practicing my Spanish vocabulary!
      Thanks for your note, much appreciated.

      John-Nevada USA

      • parachute fog
        November 5, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        i wasn't suggesting you were, i was simplying reffering to pablo himself.
  • Diriangeny
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Loved it!

    Me encanto tu primer poema, voy a tratar de encontrar tiempo para leer lost otros.. De nuevo un placer... Marvel

    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      November 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hola Marvel Beth

      El gusto es mío!
      Si te puedo ayudar en cualquier cosa referiente al "site" no dudas ni un instante en comunicarsemelo! De acuerdo?
      Que goce, que escribes, que Dios te bendiga!
      Y gracias también su comentario sobre mi poema.

      Atentivamente,
      John-Nevada USA

  • Xelgaroth
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Maravilloso

    Hola, John! Ha sido un rato, no? Mi computadora estaba estando estupido, algo para hacer con "cookies". Aparentemente, si "cookies" no son permitido con tu internet, el sitio web no te puede recorder cuando viajas de pagína a pagína. Pues, no sé cómo, pero a alguna punta los "cookies" estaban apagados, así no podía entrar AllPoetry! A sabes, hace tres cuartos de un año que he sido... ido? Cómo se dice "gone" en Español? No pienso que la palabra es "ido". Pues, "ido" quiere decir "gone" literalmente, pero ¿hay una diferencia entre de "gone" que quiere decir el pretérito de "ir" y "gone" que quiere decir "no estando aquí?"

    De todos modos, es genial hablar contigo a nuevo. Me encanta este poema también, John. Me gusta los imágenes que son presentado aquí, especialmente del jardín y el asilo. Me encanta el personaja del paciente en el jardín, y cómo entre de los flores está pensando de su vida y su alma, y cómo siente estando en el asilo. Es simplemente un imágen muy vívido. Me encanta este poema. Me recuerda, tengo mi propio poema escrito en Español que escribí que necesito poner en el sitio.

    Mantenga tu tratando! <--- (Ésa es mi traducción mala de mi lema común "Keep it up!" que pongo al fin de mis comentarios-- yo sé que literalmente quiere decir "maintain your trying!" pero es el más bueno traducción que puedo pensar de )


    Dan


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      November 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hello Dan!

      I was thinking of you this very morning! Sorry to hear about your computer problems.
      In Spanish you have your choice of refrains...

      Que vaya...You go!
      Pa'delante...go forward
      Que siga!...keep on
      and my favorite
      Que sigas siguiendo...keep on keeping on!

      Se fue...he, she, it is gone or left
      se ha ido...he, she, it has gone

      Are you in college now? I hope all is well there at home. Pretty much the same here. Yes I've had cookie problems in the past. They are facilitators in web browsing. But I think that without them some firewalls will prohibit your entry into that site, if that is your problem.
      Really illiterate re pc's though.
      Have to get going, Dan.
      I was thrilled to hear from you! Don't be a stranger!

      Be well,
      John

  • KrazyKid
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome!

    Loved how you had both spanish and english, couldn't get much out of the spanish...but I especially loved how you made me see a soul bending and eventually simply shattering! Great!

    . Rewarded 4


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      October 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      KK

      Thanks for your kind comments on my Spanish poem today. I'm a bit rusty at writing anything right now.
      Nice to have people who do not read Spanish comment positively on this.
      Thank you KK!

      John

  • pine-needles
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gorgeous and poignant poem. at least the english translation blew me away. the imagery and narration were wonderful.

    i will admit i struggled through the spanish version... i'm sure partially due to my limited knowledge of the language, but i do have a few possible suggestions that might help.

    here's how I would put it (take with a fair-sized pinch of salt, since i'm no expert. i've put question marks were i'm especially unsure.):

    Un paseo en el jardín del asilo

    Era una mañana en la primavera,
    y nos llevaron afuera donde yo quise (?)
    tocar con mis propias manos, aún si fuera
    por un instante, una rosa, un clavel,
    o lo que sea, siempre que no tuviera (?) nada que ver
    con cuatro paredes ni con ventanas con barrotes
    y rejas.

    Dice el poeta que - los barrotes y las rejas no hacen que nadie se convierte en un preso o delinquente - pero no estoy de acuerdo; hasta la alma tiene límites
    en cuanto puede doblarse bajo la presión antes de que se quiebra
    en un mil de pedacitos de cristal que no se puede componer
    de nuevo en la sala como si fuera un retrato de
    una rompecabeza para los niños.

    Pero esta corta historia no se trata de los barrotes, ni las rejas o rompecabezas, sino las brisas y los perfumes
    de este jardín y el crujido de las piedracitas debajo de
    mis pies, mis pálidos pies. ¡No me di cuenta de que
    pálida estaba yo! Hasta mi sombra no parece
    tener la tinta de antes.

    Ahora estan llamandonos para regresar a los dormitorios y las celdas. Pero esta vez no tienen en cuenta la astucia de uno de los prisioneros. Él llevó en su persona cinco piedras, y las puso encima
    de su cama,...
    (I don't understand the last part at all, based on your english translation maybe "encargandolos con la reponsibilidad de contarle a él cuentos del mundo afuera, del amor y las sombras" but i'm not sure what you were actually aiming at, i've never seen the verb "ecomer" before and neither had my dictionary, and the only meaning i know for "dar ganas" is something to do with winning.)

    anyway, i hope i'm not making a huge pain of myself, and some of my suggestions are almost certainly wrong and you may have been right to begin with, but hope at least a little of this is of some use. all the best, and kudos to you for writing such a subtle, complex poem in another language. glad i came across it. and i agree with LaPoetaSinLimitas that the shadows line really rocks, especially in spanish.

    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      October 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Dear PN

      I would say you have more than a cursory knowledge of Spanish.
      Your recognition of the verb conjugations was very remarkable and I'm guessing that you've been at this for some time now.

      As for your suggestions, and they are in earnest and well thought through, I'm going to have to defer, at least for the moment, attempting to apply them to the poem.

      In the course of the next week I will be returning to the poem for revision, and will re-read your suggestions again and indeed use them as the story permits, rest assured.

      I just want to thank you for taking all that time to help a fellow poet.
      That is what this site is about, yes?

      Appreciatively,
      John Johnson

  • arafura gold member
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent work my friend!


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you John

      Only I can know just how rusty I've gotten at writing anything at all.
      But I said to myself, if I do start up again it will be a Spanish poem. I seldom get to use the sparse vocabulary I have, which is very dear to me, now that I'm no longer working.
      Hopefully this will lead to bigger and better crimes!LOL

      Thanks again!

      John

  • LaPoetaSinLimites
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Me gusta la forma de estas lineas;

    "Hasta mi sombra no parece

    tener la tinta de antes."

    Muy buen poema, felicitaciones

    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Estimada LPSL

      Te agradezco desde el corazón los comentarios de usted sobre mi poema hoy en día. Hace tiempo que no escribo nada, en ningún idioma.

      Ya veo que eres escritora, tanto en el idioma de Cervantes como el Shakespeare. Con tu permiso, muy pronto voy a pasarme por tus páginas para ver como se hace poemas de verdad en Español!

      Soy miembro del grupo Poesía en Español. No obstante, en cuatro años
      no conozco, ni platiqué con nadie en aquel grupo.LOL

      ¡Hasta entonces!

      Atentivamente,
      John-Nevada USA

  • SilentInsanity
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    i love it!


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you PH

      Greatly appreciate your reading my poem today. Been a while!
      You know, I had hair like that when I was young!LOL

      And they said red-headed people don't amount to much! Guess they never counted on us, huh?

      Thanks for your remarks. It was pretty much off the cuff, but I'm tickled you liked it!

      Regards,
      John-Nevada USA

  • just mercedes gold member
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A Walk in the Garden of the Asylum

    It was one morning of the Spring, and they carried us outside where I wanted to touch with my own hands, still
    if was by an instant, a rose, a carnation, or what be, provided that does not have to do with four walls,
    neither windows with its bars and its grilles.

    The poet says that the bars and grilles do not make prisoner or criminal of one, but I agree not; the
    soul has its limits in being doubled under the pressure, before itself bankruptcy in thousand bits of crystal
    that cannot be composed again in the salon of being as if was a jigsaw puzzle for the children.

    But this short history is not a matter of bars, grilles, or puzzle, but of the breezes and the
    perfumes of this jardin and the creaks of the piedracitas under my feet, my pale feet. I did not
    realized how pale was I! my shadow does not seem

    to have the ink of before.





    Already they are calling us to return to the dormitories and cells. But this time they did not include the cunning of one of the prisoners.

    (At this point my rudimentary Spanish ran out. PLEASE translate the end of it for me!)


    . Rewarded 8


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      October 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Mercedes

      Let me know how I did!
      Thank you,
      John

      • just mercedes gold member
        October 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        That is so lovely! The image, of the treasure of 'outside', the stones as storytellers of love and shadows, is strong and poignant.

        Great work! Thank you for this - my own prison becomes surmountable, too.

  • fool no1
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well John you've stumped me with this one, but it sure looks interesting.....Smile...mal

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